I'm going mad

I mean seriously, I am going mad. I dunno why. I can't sleep at night. In the day, my mind is in a constant haze. I see many things flying across my mind when I close my eyes. And I am feeling restless all the time. There is this unsettling feeling in my chest. Some stuffy-ness, uneasiness, like something is hanging there midway, cant go up or down. My legs feel like there's this "tingling" feeling in them. Why why why? This happened overnight. Anxiety. My heart is in overdrive. I cant get out of this. This sounds worrying. I can't help it. My whole body is in overdrive!... I feel like screaming but there is no sound. I feel like hitting things but I have no strength. I am stuck in this rut and I can't get out.

Walking walking

Oh well, I have to admit what drove me to do that mountain of quizzes. Felt like I was losing touch with myself and my own head. (No identity crisis yet)Was trying to take my mind off things. It worked, explaining my addiction to it. I found lately my behaviour has been rather.. irrational. Nothing near what I would have done in the same situation in the past. I thought it would be a good thing but it turned out otherwise. I thought things would be simplier. But it isn't. I thought I found something beautiful and something worth waiting for. But then again, I think I can walk out of this one. Its not that hard, it will only take a few days. (Nope JY its not abt him).

I will walk out of this one unless I get "stopped" by "something".

More Quizzes

Hahah. More quizzes. But don't worry I did this at a "sane" time of the day. Eating my dinner as I was doing. Hmmz. So do you call that an addiction or .. an addiction? Whatever. =)

Stars and Stripes forever

What Pattern Are You?

Yeah!! Gryffindor!!

You are a Gryffindor!

If you take this image, please link back to my quiz
on the preceding page. Thank you!


What House are you at Hogwarts? Harry Potter!
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Hermione's Best Friend

YOU ARE Crookshanks: Are you Mrs. Figg in disguise?
Ah, who cares! You're big and squishy and cute
in your own special way. And always ready to
spot an evil animagus who's pretending to be
dead for the last 12 years. You're fiercely
loyal even if it does come acrossed as trying
to eat your friend's pet from time to time.


What Harry Potter Pet Are You?
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Hammy's Friend

You are a Siberian Dwarf Hamster!


What Breed of Hamster Are You?
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I see

I am beginning to understand. Understand what I'm not so sure either. But I think my heart has a clearer picture as to where I am suppose to head to and what I ought to do. I see what is important to me and what's not. I see it now.

What You're Made of - Lucie Silvas

Just like I predicted, we're at the point of no return
We can go backwards, and no corners have been turned
I can't control it, if I sink or if I swim
'Cause I chose the water that I'm in

And it makes no difference who is right and who is wrong
I deserve much more than this
'Cause there's only one thing I want

If it's not what you're made of
You're not what I am looking for
You were willing but unable to give me anymore
There's no way,
You're changing,
Cause some things will just never be mine
You're not in love this time... but its alright.

I hear you talking, but your words don't mean a thing
I doubt you ever put your heart into anything
It's not much to ask for, to get back what I put in
But I chose the waters that I'm in.


p.s. Lee... I want this song!

I'm mad.

This is crazy. 5.23 am in the morning and I am still wide awake. Just went thru a Quiz marathon. Madness. Got them all from Az's archives. Too bored. But the quizzes were kind of interesting. Except the ones who called me a whOre or slut or watever.

ChOcolatE. Yum yUm

You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.


Which kind of candy are you?
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Labbi Labbi hOp hoP

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud


which happy bunny are you?
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oOo. I like this one. LabBi lAbBi hoP hOp! laBbi LabBi hOp!

Me funny?

STAND UP: You are a natural stand-up comedian. You
watch the news with people, and when you give
your opinions, people start laughing. They are
not laughing at you, they are laughing because
what you say is so TRUE. The world is a very
funny place, full of natural comedy. All you do
is repeat various humorous things that you
notice from everyday life. Your unique
perspective on the world is what makes you so
funny. Of all the various comedy types, you may
be the funniest of them all!

PREMIUM COMEDY OF YOUR TYPE IS WELCOMED AT:
[LINK REMOVED]


How funny are you?
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What movie do I belong to?

Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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Haha. I'm Legolas.

Congratulations! You're Legolas!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
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This is really true. I'm a neat-freak and sUper dUper hYgieNe conscious. Go on, diG ur nOse in frOnt of mE.

Where my soul came from

You come from Heaven. You're the purest of pure, a
saint. You're probably an angel sent directly
from Heaven.


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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Can you believe this? I don't.

Personality DisOrder. Beware

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

The Ultimate Personality Test??

Idol


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

HahahHaha. This one is hilarious. Ridiculous it may seem, I must say some parts of it is true.

Wat kind of a gun am I?

Sig Sauer P226. Greatest gun ever! Feel special.
Beautiful and reliable but can still scare the
living bejesus outta anyone.


What handgun are you?
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CoOL cOoL cOoL! I like this one! HAhahAha. *Bang*bang*!
But then actually I would like it gold with things craved onto it. Like some dragon or phoenix. Oh oh. Like the one in Face/off I think. Nicholas Cage's gun.

Read my blOg?

Well well, I wonder.
Who would come read my blog? I posted my blog URL on my msn well at least for ppl to see.
But who would?
And I seriously wonder if (pronoun) would pop by and read what I have to say. Or (pronoun) just doesn't care at all?
Hence, dear ppl who know me and read my blog, please, tag me or drop me comments at least.
Let me know who's here.

Thanks a lot.

The Poon-Pun Oon-Urn Affair

My goodness. This is hilarious. I guess Winnie will really hate me for posting this one here. So speech therapy schools out there. Hear me. Ideas for your next commercial is here. (Hehez). Happened when Dex, Winnie and myself decided to skip our Cinematic pleasure lecture (since we were too darn late) and head home. So we were walking to the nearest bus-stop, passed by the cafe by the Nanyang Annex. It was a garden decoration that sparked off this incident. An Urn, to be specific. So our dear winnie was talking bout the large Oon in Dex's garden. Took us a while to understand wat she was talking about. Well, I wonder why I had to be so cruel to bring up the poon-pun incident tat moment. I guess I thought it was a parallel to what was happening at the moment. Dex laughed till he was sitting on the ground and I was in a near-asthma-attack state. Sorry Winnie. I really couldn't help it. Really. And I cant help it now either. (Hehehz).

Chocolate Art

Chocolate Art. The next time u have a craving for chocolate.. take a look at this pic and imagine biting off one of the toes.. u'll get wat i mean... =p

Remembering Hammy

Hammy's cousin but actually they all look alike. Hammy is more chubby though.

Hammy died

My heart weighs like a ton now that i heard wat has happened to one of the three hammies i gave away. It died. Cause of death still an unknown. Damn i feel like crying. The fate of the little hammy was in my hands and I jeopardize its life by giving it away. I guess it would be running rolling and kicking alive if i kept it. Guilt hit me real hard this time. I dunno how i will get over it. Should have stuck to my initial rule. Keep them for myself. Cant trust others when it comes to taking care of small animals. They are so tiny and helpless and fragile. *tearing* My goodness. i hope it hadn't died a violent death. imagine the pain it went thru. It pains my heart. i cant go on anymore. Need a quiet moment to sob away.

I Feel Kinda weird tOday

I feel kind of weird today. Some of my question marks were "answered" in a way. Hmmz.. like the "strange thing" that I saw online today. Wonder if I should be happy, or freaked, or sad,or erm.. freaked? I guess I haven been in touch with such things for too bleddy tat every small tiny thing related to it will freak me out - in neither a good or bad way. I most certainly cannot speak of the actual thingy I saw today. Its classified information as viewing by any other individuals will result in unpleasant consequences. Haha.. makes no sense. In short, no one should see wat i saw. OMG. Some how perhapz I wish SOME of my question marks may never be answered. Let it retain its enigmatic aura. I am just super afraid that the more I noe about it, the less I would er.. want it.

Am I becoming Wonder woman?

And here I am .. wondering again.. sOon I'll become Wonderwoman.. simply because i wonder too much .. and I have too much crap to say. So bear with me a little. Yes.. u r right. i am back at wondering about the same thing. I wonder why there are so many question marks in my head. Even understanding Mathematics seems so much easier now. Perhapz I should go take a module on "Understanding the Human brain, How it works, and Human Behaviourial Patterns". And guess wat.. I shall make (pronoun) my very first test subject.. and probably the last(I wont live past understanding it). Wonder .. wonder.. wonder.. wonder.. damn.. maybe like my friend suggested.. I should go take a walk in the rain.. clear my head of a decimal of my unsurmountable amounts of questions. Er.. hope tats correct grammatically. Correct me if its wrong.

Wonder.. Wonder.. Wonder..

I have been wondering for the longest time

I have been thinking for the past three days or so.. (why?).. i dunno what exactly am i wondering about coz whatever i am thinking about has no grounds to it.. purely mostly my own conclusions, assumptions, presumptions, postulation, supposition, surmise etc etc... tats why i cant say wat is it tat i am wondering abt.. well, unless someone gives me some "documented" proof that whatever i was thinking about and all my assumptions were true. Sadly, that person wont. Mainly because (pronoun) does not think (pronoun) needs to give me any. Perhapz (pronoun) doesn't know. And i dunno how to make (pronoun) realize. Or perhapz (pronoun) doesn't want it at all. All i need is a little initiative like some other (pronoun) has shown in the past. Heck. I'm all so confused myself at wat i'm saying. HAhahaha.. well.. just wait and see.

my bro sickly and pale and weak

Hospital = Endless Wait

Got woken up by my dad to bring my lil' bro to the hospital for his blood test appointment. Was feeling shitty coz i only slpt at 3am the other night.. nonetheless i still went.. thinking that such a simple hassle-less procedure wont take long.. Arrived at NUH at ard 9am, registered at the children's clinic (but my bro is already 15.. and i wonder).. sat down waiting for the nurse to call my bro ..well.. it was ard 40 mins later that my bro's name was called.. the nurse took his blood pressure and stuff.. and then asked him to sit down to wait again.. all this while i was observing the nurses at work.. not that i am an impatient person.. but it just makes me wonder wat they were doing. coz i kept seeing them walking in and out of the 3 rooms there chatting and laughing.. hmmmz.. if only they had hastened the blood test a little my bro and i and my dad can save some time.. instead of waiting there for hours and hours. An indian doctor approached my bro ard an hour later.. asking him bout his condition. whether he was having cough and febor still.. oOpz.. i mean those were the exact words of the doctor.. which actually means fever. it took him to repeat it 3 times before we got it.. *laughs*.. oh well.. ya.. after that brief Q&A.. we found ourselves waiting again.. 20mins later.. my nurse finally took my bro's blood.. and ask us to come back at between 11-12pm to get the blood test result. so we proceeded to the main lobby waiting for my dad to come back from his short engagement he left for earlier. me and my bro just slump at the couch and snored away till my dad came back. we went back after breakfast at 12pm. tinking that we would get the tests results and be able to leave. to our dismay.. the doc had left to attend to an emergency - a matter of life and death. So witout a choice we had to wait.. the time is now 2pm. The doc came back and gave us the report.. gd news though.. after so many hours of waiting..at least we heard some gd news.. my bro was in a sickly state since last friday.. high fever and the doc diagnoised him with HEMATURIA... viral infection of the urinal tract in layman terms.. eeew... hahhaa.. oh well ... lucky he's getting better.. hmm.. 5 hrs at the hospital for a blood test...

5 HOURS

Feeling the heat

Amazingly, my mOod has improved.. after some talk talk session with my "sister".. dun worry ..she's not any kind of imaginary friend.. i'm not out of my mind yet.. seem to have made me feel better and less evil .. i shouldn't stoop as low as that person who caused me my misery.. revenge isn't the only way out.. tolerance and forgiveness is.. i feel more noble.. knowing that i have done something beyond my "usual" means.. i feel like i have grown a little at least.. rebalancing my values and principles.. make myself a less nuisance to the ppl ard me.. oh and thanks to my gal pals who listened to my whinning and "evil-talk".. fortunately i have not attempted anything foolish.. hahahaa...

phew... exams coming.. its a sick feeling.. feeling extremely remorseful looking at that pile of tutorials tat i have to clear.. worst than anything else.. sometimes i just feel like running away - my cowardly response when faced with a formidable challenge.. someone help me out.. but i guess no one can besides myself.. maths test tmr.. and i lost all motivation to study.. simply because i noe i wont finish studying the things i need to.. Garfield offered to give me a hand.. by asking me to sit beside him during the test so he could *help* me out.. i have integrity.. but it seems too appealing an offer i can turn down.. sobz.. i'm just inches away from falling to the dark side.. perhaps i am already one of them.. the reason why i am in my current state with soOo many tutorials undone.. skipped lectures more than i can ever imagine myself doing.. no idea y i paid so much sch fees for when i dun attend lects and tuts and getting the education i ought to go thru.. dread.. think i better get back to studying..
au revoir..

POISONED

I feel poisoned. I need to cleanse my thoughts. I need my friends... friends from my past.. really want to meet them coz they remind me of the happy times.. not the shit that i feel everyday.. facing the same shit and having to listen to even more shit.

I have to admit.. i feel more appreciative towards my classmate now.. okay.. wat should i call him.. well let's just name him Garfield. Regardless of those petty things tat i minded in the past (not saying i wont mind them now).. he is still a gd friend to have around. People often miss out the fundamentals. Heart. Look deeeper and u will find great things in people. I am happy tat i finally found out this. If not i will be blind for much longer, and doing harm to others without myself knowing. God bless.

Feeling volatile these days

I only have myself to blame for the shit i am facing today. For being not good enough in the things i'm challenged with everyday, and this shit just keeps snowballing. I'm a walking timebomb i guess. and the last thing i need is someone who puts me down.

I have found that human beings are all selfish. I tried not to believe this at first, but after all the countless incidents that I have been thru i have reached a conclusion. Man are born selfish. And if he can learn to be generous, he is a true gem. I have to say the friends I will keep in my lifetime be it 80 or ninety yrs, they are all worthy men and women. I appreciate the spirit of selflessness -- thinking not of self as the centre but of all others. And always putting others above self. We live in a competitive society undeniably in such a small country. Most would believe that the only way to survive is to think of wats best for him/herself. -- watching our own back coz no one else will watch urs. I have heard adults say this many times. It makes me wonder, what would the world be like if everyone is gracious and generous, acts not only for an agenda beneficial to self. Its an Utopian idealistic world which will never exist but only in our dream. At least for today, I shall start with myself, and hopefully it will influence others to be this way.