Sunday morning rain is not falling.

Sunday morning. Weather has been pretty erratic these few days. Heavy rain one day and stuffy the other. Woke early to attend service in a very long time. Today's sermon was pretty interesting. The pastor was entertaining in an offensive way. He was using words and anecdotes u wont expect to hear from the usual pastor.. haha. But at least he kept me awake the whole time. I like wicked humor.

Cuixia came to my house today, to be my mannequin! Haha. To demo my half-past-six makeup skills on her face. Wahah! I like making up for people. Maybe I should go take up some make-up course to learn, next time can do part time. Hoho~

I recall a particular character in my school saying my dress sense is bad. (Hmmp! Such audacity!) I mean, seriously, dress up for school? And especially when, according to the character, dressing up means dressing less, just to catch guy's attention. To add to the ridicule, I sort of sensed that the guy view the term "good figure" as big boobs, big boobs, and bigger boobs. I believe thats not what a beautiful woman is about. All women will nod their heads unanimously with me on this one.

Plus the fact that I'm in an engineering school, the need to dress up seems even more insignificant. I believe I dress appropriate enuff for school, am I not? Not need to be tarty at all to catch guy's attention, definitely not a good guy's. More likely girls who dress less are a flashing neon signboard saying "ENTER ===>>" for perverts and all other forms of threats from the male community.

Monday is here again. I'm beyond blue. On my way to becoming purple.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Pilates

I realised I have so many muscles I haven felt them working for ages. Went to this pilates class with Jolene on Friday. I crashed the class coz her aunt couldn't make it. The class started off with the teacher telling us to lie on the mat and relax. I had no idea what was coming. Really.

It began with some stretching exercises, then working out our lower body.. and the exercises only got more strenous.. many a times I found my limbs trembling. I think I was a little physically challenged too. (The exercises are now pretty blurry.. dun ask me to teach. haha!) But then at the end of the class and this morning, I can really feel my abdomen and butt aching. Maybe a little of my arms too. Haha. But its a good feeling.

Saturday morning. Finally some time to spend at home. I am so sick of town and shopping areas now. Other than the crowd, I found shopping in Singapore pretty bland. Shopping malls are all selling the same stuffs, and the prices are always increasing!... You can hardly find a good piece of clothing that cost less than 20 bucks.

Sidetrack: Where is this going? Am I not doing anything right? Or is it a door that leads to nowhere and yet I'm still knocking on the door, hoping someone will answer me and bring me to the place I want to get to? Is it my folly?

Lonely.Tired.Happy.Focused.

Another week is about to be over. Lotsa OG outings, less to mention, lotsa cash gone too. Need to spend money wisely --> Buy only whats needed.. and not what I want or feel like buying. =(

Got "lost" in school today in a way. I had to go to LT20 for a lab briefing. I kept thinking its at the South spine don't know why. In the end I had to walk pretty far to get there and I only reach there at 11:20pm. Argh. And to think that the briefing ended at 11:35pm.

Met Jolene at the library, to teach her blogging stuff. We didn't cover much and ended up talking about a lot of things. Realised that as we progress from Year1 to Year4, the people we hang out with will decrease. Sad truth. How come I'm feeling that in my second year already?.. I feel lonely in school. Haiz.. Even more lonely when I attend my PE or GE.

Went to JP for some shopping after she left for her lecture at 2 plus. Nothing to buy. Probably coz I found that I don't need many things other than a few pens and a highlighter.

On my way back to school, a man in his fifties approached me. He asked if I can speak any English (duh?).. then he started telling me that his ez-link card has run out of money and he needed to go for a job interview. Apparently he was just released from the prison (he took out his prison pass to show me). So his wallet was empty, and he needed $5 -$10 from me to top up his card. I was then 80% convinced (of coz not 100%) so I gave him $6 to go 7-11 to top up his card. If u were me.. would u do the same thing?. I recall the other time I gave a 30 yr old $2 on the MRT train. He was going ard asking everyone if we could spare him 2 bucks coz his family has no money. Dun call me gullible. To make a 30yr old go ard begging for money, (considering a man's pride).. it really seems dire. Maybe I give money away too easily, but if I can still afford to spare them some, I would.

I feel so weighed down suddenly. Emotionally. I think crapping has gotten a wee bit tiring at times. Maybe its time to get serious or is it school tats bringing down my mood.. a little irritable at times. Probably getting away from my classmates would make me forget about terms like "1st class, 2nd upper .. blah blah.. " that was why I was so happy to meet Jolene this afternoon, get away from all those terms.

As much as I want to get good grades ( after a disasterous 1st yr, and getting insulted that I'm not intelligent) , I will not talk about plans. I will carry them out instead. Talking wont get you anywhere and it puts people off if u talk too much.

Talking about the ice-skating on Wednesday. I was under the constant threat of being *erhhmpz* (all those who were ard me should noe ). And thankfully those people who were ard me then were ard me. If not I cant imagine what will happen to me. It was pretty fun still even though I am hopeless skating. There were so many people to help me and let me hold on to. And the worst fall of all was when we were skating in a line.. My xiao di, Say wee was pulling on one side so fast that I freaked out and Jiwei slipped (third time that day). I was kneeling on the floor.. but surprisingly no pain.. haha ... (i'm not blaming xiao di even though I almost had an heart attack wahaha!)

BBQ at willy's house after that. Was busy preparing the salad and the marinade in the kitchen. Fun! This time round.. the place and food was so much better.. ooOpz.. feeling hungry now.. haha..

And also to Irene.. dun think so much ...people arent leaving you. Sometimes its just a combination of many reasons and circumstances that things happen. I didn't mean to be a bitch to you. I just felt that I wanted some real "girl time" with you. And also that I can do some much needed shopping in peace. I am in an irritable mood .. if you found me harsh towards you, I am truly sorry.

Second Day of Scho_Ol >.<

OG outing today. Went for ktv in Chinatown after school. My energy level was pretty low by the time school ended. For the first time, I listened to the lectures.

Everything was pretty draggy (as usual). I'm not complaining. I was just tired. And slowly the sian-ness set in. Think I looked really bored at the ktv. Tried to hide it by focusing all my energy on the bowl of crackers and nuts, bingeing away.

No reason for my behaviour today, or I haven't found any. Perhaps the lack of sleep is the apparent reason.

But then yesterday I was so high.. coz Fan Wei Qi came to my schoOl~! And thanks to Winnie's bf, Yixiang, I got tickets! Too bad we didn't have a camera to take photo of her... And I was frantically trying to catch the posters she was throwing to the audience.. Think my hands too short cant catch. And also the guy in front was too power.. jumped up to snatch it. haha

So tired. Better get some rest. Tmr is another OG outing. Ice skating at JEC. I cant skate!.. Someone help me. Pray that I dun fall too much. Ahaha.

Scho_OL is stArtinG! >.<

Monday is the day.

I have to try to write in proper English, after I realize how much my language has degenerated due to lack of care, or should I say, utter neglect since my A' levels. Even my punctuation is gone. Eek helped me realise this one afternoon, and I believe it won't be long she ends up the same way.

So I was saying, Monday is the start of a new year, new semester. A new horror basically. First, I got to face the fact that I am in 2nd year already! Miss my days as freshie, and now I have officially expired - mouldy days ahead.

A new level of stress too. Taking so many subjects this semester and I got to worry how to do my minor. I need to get rid of my bad habits in order to survive.

My curse -- sloth.

Somebody help me out. I have in mind someone who can give me the motivation I need. Let's hope things work out fine someday, but its too early to say anything yet for now.

Been reading the Bible lately. I found the more I read the more questions I have.

How come so many churches do things that are so different. Confused.

To end off, I need some retail therapy. Even though I have no lack of clothings, I found I am deprived of shoes and bags and specs and many many more! Pocket is tight!

Quiz~!

Hmmz.. basically I was bored.. and it seems all my friends have done this quiz already.. time to find out wats mine.. haha...

Your dating personality profile: Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life. Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart. Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Adventurous 2. Stylish 3. Big-Hearted 4. Religious 5. Funny 6. Athletic 7. Shy 8. Sensual 9. Liberal 10. Romantic

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Funny 3. Shy 4. Big-Hearted 5. Adventurous 6. Stylish 7. Athletic 8. Practical 9. Sensual 10. Conservative

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Hmmp! >.<

Update:: All is calm... all is bright... but my some of my friends still missing.. hmmz..


Msn is lousy lah... Cant seem to add a friend.. and I cant see some people on my list (I have verified with 'em they didn't block me.. I mean could they bear to? hah) !...

wat happened to my msn??!....

Nothing

I am here again blogging about absolutely nothing.. heard the NKF issue on tv.. hurray! finally some noise is made and hopefully justice is about to be done. I never believed in them ever since my jc days.. and I became anti-NKF when they started to have a show for every different illness! And the celebs looked like fools..

Hmm.. back to my boring nothingness.. other than movies and eating out.. its still movies and eating out.. went sentosa on wed.. got my back burnt.. hmm.. ouch! coz my hands were too short to reach over to my back and apply my spf130 sunblock..! lucky my nose wasn't burnt.. hehe..
but then again.. too bad my aunt came to visit.. couldn't get into the water! and everyone was asking me why i ain't getting into the water!... had to explain 7-8 times to different ppl.. so embarrassing.. haiz... but i feel so wasted.. going to sentosa and i cant even get to swim or play water sports! like they did kayaking and i could only watch from afar......

so boring.. anything interesting for me to do????... i finally spring cleaned my room a bit... hmm.. a little sianz of going out.. coz it means spending money.. which i have been doing since i was born.. wahha... oOpz.. a bit of corn and cheese there.. hmm.. feeling a bit hungry again.. was talking on msn a bit today.. why is everyone asking me the same stuff.. haiz.. i only resent the fact that i have absolutely nothing to fill them in as yet.. Perhaps i am cursed never to get wat i dream of getting. maybe thats why dreams were made to be dreams in the first place.

Depressing it sounds.. but then i feel nothing.. hmm.. but i do think sometimes my words sounds overly emotional than it actually is.. cant help.. dunno why..

the term "guys" .. as much as a guy would understand the term "girls"..most of the time i prefer the term "friends"... so much less intimidating than the former two.. ahah.. i am not kidding .. i just need a buddy to do everything with me.. hah.. yah.. i guess i prefer that so much more.. !!

hmmz... God will decide..

Leaving 99 - Audio Adrenaline

(A christian song my fren intro-ed to me.. pretty nice.. and I think now I understand the meaning.. that God will leave behind his 99 sheeps to find that ONE that strayed.. )

I'm lost and broken all alone on this road
The wheels keep turning but the feeling is gone
when I fear I'm on my own
But you remind me i am not alone

You say..

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you
(For you alone) I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you

It's dark and lonely and the path is unclear
Can't move my feet because I'm frozen with fear
And you say, my child, my child
i am always here, i'm at your side

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you
(For you alone) I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you

you're never too far down
i promis you'll be found,
i'll reach into the mud,
my repay, ?
persue you to the end,
like a faithful friend,
nothing in this world,
will keep me away,

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you
(For you alone) I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you...
to find you..

Three months

Wow.. to think that the three months of holiday is soon going to be over.. dun think I ready for another school term yet!

I'm waiting for something to happen... dunno wat.. but everyday I'm just sitting ard.. in front of the computer .. waitin'..

Haiz.. wat Aaron told me makes things look bleak... hmm... sianz...

I've been mean to some people.. hmm.. I shouldn't be.. but I did.. and its too late now..

When my best friend was down.. I wasn't there to help her.. sorry dear.. but hope u are okay now... unhappy is not a gd mood to be in!

Forged new friendships during the camp.. some really great ones.. but I dun wish to lose them.. especially when school begins and everyone gets on with their busy life.. people then to forget each other.. =(

Az .. when can I see ur cats?!

I also realized I kinda like chinese songs now... selective ones.. hmm ..but I still love ROCK more!

I desperately need a hair cut... and also a run.... hmmmx....

.... complicated life.. my brain can't handle or maybe it chose not to... zZz

The Camp is Over

I'm back.. with so many things to say I dunno where to begin actually.

Most of all, I hated for the camp to end especially on the last day. The week passed rather slowly I feel, with so many things happening in a day. And especially the fifth day... okay okay.. shan't jump right into that day.. begin with the first. hahaha..

First day..

Have to go to sch early in the morning to go settle the banner stuff.. video equipments ... blah blah... Have to get to Hall 15 to pick up the painting materials. Raining.. so I got my dad to send me to sch and then help me ferry the stuff to Hall 7, which was rather faraway. I was supposed to meet David and *erhhmmp* F. But since my dad was driving and the fact that it was raining.. I asked them to meet me at hall 7 with everyone else. But not surprisingly F didn't get my msg even though I sent it at the same time I send to David.

I haven mention on the way to sch.. raining and traffic was terrible. Then a bus bumped into the back of my dad's car. I was in a foul mood and so was my dad. The bumper was dislodged and the backlight had cracked.

But we still made our way to sch after that and went to pick F up. He was in my dad's car and dare he give me shit. He was trying to say how come I nvr do this or that (when the whole time other than talking and talking.. he nvr do much) .. I really want to kick him out of my dad's car...on reaching the place.. he keep saying why this not done ...why that not done as well... argh.. useless fool.. then he proceeded to kb abt why his (actually is MY) subcommers weren't there yet.. come on lor.. rainy weather how to be on time?... He called all of them up and kb them abt why this and that screw up... and went abt making a big fuss abt the sponsor logo not being on the banner (which the sponsors will not even see). I feel so sorry for my people who got to listen to his shitty stuff and some who even have to take a taxi down. Really sorry.....

On the whole.. first day was pretty smooth sailing.. met the freshies at boon lay interchange and me and Jolene was scouting for the good-looking guys.. haha.. but then we were a bit disappointed lor.. coz some sent in really good photos.. but turns out so so only... hahaha... I was disappointed DT was only like tat.. haiz..

I think 1st day was super slack for me .. even though I got things to do.. Jolene and I and CJ just sat around talking and gossiping.. hehe.. our usual routine.. hah.. jolene like a big sister.. CJ like a big brother..

We were waiting at N4 walkway for Alex's game to start.. the freshies were blindfolded.. and made to walk ard the school... Alex's station was the most cruel one.. not to mention.. FUN.. haha... *evil grin*... I think our concoction was fantastic.. haha.. watermelon (leftover by the NBS ppl) + starch+ toilet paper + soap + eggs.. ahhaa.. evil... poor freshies .. I had so much fun pouring the funny stuff on them and smashin' waterbombs.. ahaha.. but my aim a bit lousy lah.. I splashed some onto the seniors! hahah!

Second Day..

Circuit games in the morning.. I was there with my OG.. the group was rather bo chap.. hahah.. walking and strolling.. while we saw ppl from other groups running from station to station.. I guess we were more bent on enjoying ourselves than winning the game. I guess the group was less like Archilles.. (I still luv ARCHILLES!)... but every year of freshmen are different.. like this year's group.. we have to let them play their games the way they deem best... like Junqin said.. "let them shine on their own"... I totally trust his leadership..

hmm.. then came the afternoon activity... SP Pairing.... I knew I was going to be sabo-ed (sabotaged).. and I was there with a dreading attitude.. worst thing is .. I had to be blindfolded like everyone else.. nvm lah.. just play along bah.. let everyone fooling me have fun.. I was forced to sit at the table a long long time.. with programmers and people I dunno talking to me and asking me funny questions.. totally unnerving... and so many times Alex pat me on my head.. ahh!.. I was abused..

Some group of people gathered in front of me lah.. then put my hand on someone else's hand.. hahaha.. i suspect they were playing with me.. so i started poking at the "hand".. and I tot it was a girl's .. hahh.. I think that "hand" even smoother than mine.. oOpz..

Then shortly after came the moment I hate to talk about.. haiz.. utter embarrassment.. so many people ka-chiaoing me... Jun qin was the biggest culprit lor.. aiyoyo.. I watched the video they took of me and my sp.. *sweat*... so you see.. when you are a senior.. the game will get more cruel than for most...

But my blindfold was falling i sort of saw the sleeve of my sp's shirt.. and the colour.. so I sort of had an idea who he was... I didn't want to kill my own surprise... but I did... but then he didn't know who I was.. hmm.. hopefully he doesn't kill himself when he get to know who I am..

Later that day after dinner.. was the SP love letter writing.. cheesy stuff.. but before that Limin told me I dun have SP.. like it was changed to someone else.. er.. maybe the programmers messed up the pairing.. hmm.. so I tot I dun need to write to Bread (his nick.. I was Butter)... so I really didn't write anything..

Until at night.. Winnie passed me the letter from Bread.. then I felt bad and confused.. hmm.. imagine being the only one in the group who didn't get a letter.. quite sad rite.. hmmm...

Third Day..

So on the third day morning.. me and Jolene tried to figure out something to write while the camp ppl were playing pool games.. the people were on the other side while me and her were hiding under the umbrella on the other side.. coz the first letter I got was a poem.. hmm.. dunno what to say really.. coz this the second time I was playing this and I feel a little stale.. haha.. but We were still trying our best .. came up with some funny poem for him.. hehez.. shortly after we finished.. Wei Qi (jolene's fren plus also a programmer) helped me pass the letter to him.. hehz.. at least I dun feel so bad le...

Later that day were telematches.. then the second letter writing.. hmm.. this time I was on time.. when I got his letter.. it was a crane.. hehe.. nice effort there.. and he said more things.. and he seemed to know I'm a senior.. hope there wasn't much disappointment there..
coz senior = mouldy

so stressed at night.. had to distribute the tees for next day's amazing race.. so cocked-up.. and no one to help me.. Jo and CJ and myself tried to sort the tees the night before.. but then the stacks got messed up.. and I had to arrange them again.. haiz.. so pathetic.. haiz.. Then the group numbers and tees kept changing.. everytime I asked for the sizes the numbers changed... argh.. bad night.. me still distributing the tees when the omcs were practicing some song item.. and F was not helping matters.. came over and tried to tell me stuff I couldn't be bothered with.. bad timing. My face was black as tar that night..

Fourth Day..

Amazing race day. I went home on the third night so for this day I had to get to sch early next morning.. hardly slpt much the 3 nights before.. cranky mood.. followed the OG ard and running all over the place. Age is catching up so I was always at the back.. sobz.. the amazing race had this food chain thingy incorporated into it. Like the taiwanese show Shi Zi Lu Kou. So towards the end we had to go find this pumpkin bread thingy. Argh.. me and Jun Yen searched through the whole of Bukit batok area looking for it. to no avail in the end. We wonder if that thing even exists. So in the end all the OGs asked a baker to make pumpkin bread for them. sounded like cheating.

Went to Lot 1 after the race and people were having their dinner. and they went to play pool after that. I had to go meet yuan seah and CJ for dinner at gombak. hahaha.. I think we were really greedy we ordered this fishhead soup thingy plus one chicken plus butter prawns.. hahaha! but it was really cheap .. only $38.. ate like siao.. haha... then we were off to cdans adventure camp. It was campfire that night.. pretty fun.. but then this time i didn't really feel the warmth I ought to feel at campfires.. haiz...jolene also felt that way.. I guess it was the politics and some people who killed all our mood.. And also Alez, the CGL of Aero keep hinting me who was my SP and telling me how good he is.. haha.. always teasing me ah.. these ppl..

In the night.. in the OMC chalet.. we played tai di after we returned from some shopping (drove the lorry out for supper.. to my house.. to hall 15 then to the market opp. City harvest). I dunno why I kept losing.. no luck.. haiz.. me being the youngest there.. must be not qiang enuff for the old birds.. then I cannot bathe lor! argh... eew.. stinky stinky.. but at last in ard 430am I finally got to bathe.. hahaha

Fifth Day..

Woke up at 10plus.. immediately we got to pack up and check out of the chalet. I was still in a groggy mood.. and almost washed my contact lens down the sink.. phew.. lucky Jun Yen help me pick it up.. went to find the OGs to see them play the obstacle course. And when I walk pass Aero group.. Alez hint hint to me again.. aiyo.. haha.. in a very obvious way.. hmm.. I noe he meant well. haha..

Went home again before the SP revelation.. haiz.. the final reveal.. bathe and changed.. dunno wat to wear.. haiz.. need shopping I thought.. but no time lah.. haiz.. chop chop leave my house already.. no time!

This year the SP thingy was a little different from the last.. think last year was less cheesy.. we were in this garden in sentosa and we were to find our SP in there. This year we were divided into different groups.. then brought to different chalets.. then the guys were also divided into groups.. and then they were to recite or sing something to us.. (i finally knew why there was a poem).. but i was feeling a bit paisei.. coz the group I was in had so many mei nus.. evelin, jiapei wanni.. and so on.. really afraid to see the look of disappointment..

(argh... I lost part of my post coz the window closed on its own~! Luckily I saved a draft.. imagine writing it all over again.. *pengz*The later part was re-written.. bleh.. lousy computer!)

So I was talking abt the trip to Raffles Country Club.. down at tuas.. hmm. the view there was great.. there was a lake there and all the SP pairs took photos there.. nice..

Dinner was buffet style.. hmm.. feel bad coz he didn't get to eat much.. because we didn't take much.. and think he was waiting for me to go get more food together but we didn't.. oOpz.. er..dunno lah.. I just felt so bad.. I was super pai sei in the first place.. (I am an extremely shy person.. and I bet no one believes this) Hmm.. he was so well-mannered I felt like an elephant there and then.. kept dropping stuff and he had to pick them up.. I'm such a klutz...............

Had to excuse myself from the table to find Jolene and CJ... and also found JunQin and other guy seniors.. hmmm.. need to release all the er.. anxiety?.. hmm.. aiyoyo .. feel bad again.. coz I left him alone at the table.. oOpz..

Went onto the stage to play this red flag white flag game.. many times during the game I almost fell... Cant balance myself on even the tiniest heels.. lucky got Bread to hold on to.. after that got the banana game.. SO PAISEI... Jolene and CJ laugh at me again... hhmp..

And then towards the end.. we exchanged the presents.. oh no.. I feel bad again.. coz I only got him chocolates and he got me a bear and more chocolates..

After dinner was the bash.. at madam wong's .. small place but good mood there.. got back to sch and then went for supper.. slpt at 4 plus again.. zZz...

Last Day..

Refused to leave my bed.. aww... need more zZz.. reached hall 3 field at 1130.. the game almost just started.. my eyes keep drifting to somewhere I wont tell.. whhahaa.. shhhhhhh!

Hate for the camp to end so soon.. coz the next time it happens again will be a year away.. haiz.. Always get this feeling on the last day of anything... hmmm.. feel like I lost something again....

went to marche at heeren for dinner.. more like eating supper by the time we got in.. but seniors ordered many stuff to share.. so it was pretty okay.. still its the last choice for food for me.. haha..

Heard wat Junqin told me on the bus.. life is so complicated.. hmm.. take care bro~...

Evelin Rene Lingxin David Fengcheng Aaron and Zhao Hong .. Thanks for working so hard!