Some sleep will do me good.

The end of my year is marked with an awful closing. Awful because I caused it to be. I am the bad guy I feel. For making someone cry. For making many people worried. I just couldn't believe what happened to me. If I should stop caring so much, it would make this whole episode avoidable.

I just felt it wasn't appropriate. Nothing more than that. And I just hope it didn't happen that way. Have all the fun you want, yes, but make sure no one gets hurt. Such things happen all the time.. its sad that human beings are capable of behaving as such. Painful especially for those who are involved. Everything comes with a consequence. People should start being sensible. Many parties should be this way.

I am definitely not angry. Because in the first place it does not concern me. But I only wish you could do as you ought to. And I found maybe I don't know how to speak to you. Not that I do not want to. It not worth being angry and irrational. I was only disappointed. The disappointment will go away eventually I hope.

In need of faith...

My Black Cat

This is my black cat. So far I have heard like a thousand weird responses, and only a number of more positive remarks. Well, most people are apprehensive towards black cats. But in fact, a black cat is just like any other cat. Nothing taboo really. They are just as cute. (my cat loves the camera, and me. Ahah)

Christmas

Probably some few thousands of people will be blogging about Christmas on their blogs. And I believe theirs will be a hundred times more exciting than mine.

This Christmas I have heard mostly bad news. News about people separating, or people unable to be with their loved one. Very depressing. Sometimes I feel rather lucky that I am not involved in such situations. Somehow I always made sure I invest as little feelings as possible. Only because the more you invest, the worse it feels when something unfortunate happens. Past experiences taught me to become a coward. Not a good thing either.

So I was having a discussion with Cuixia after service today. She was telling me how numb she felt towards relationships after the recent breakup-patch-breakup with her ex boyfriend. I totally agreed with her when she told me how she would feel when she was in her Secondary school. Every little thing between the (different) guy and her could be really special. Unlike now, she won't be feeling much.

Actually having too many past relationships ain't really that good a thing.

Christmas this year was rather different for me. I have never felt so committed to my church, even though last year I also attended the Christmas service. I was there on Christmas Eve night for a celebration (brief one) and the Christmas service in the morning. This time round I was very willing to attend, unlike last year I was more of being dragged there. My cousin was also invited to join me. She wanted to see what it was like to be at a Christmas celebration in a church. I was more than willing to show her.

This year, not wishing for much really, because I already got much of what I really need. The materialistic me has taken a back seat this time round. All my wants didn't seem that important anymore.

Oh no, I don't know how to end off. Can't say I need to sleep cause I only just woke up! Slept at 3 and woke at 7. After service I just collapsed on my bed till 3 in the afternoon. Think I will just go.. Merry Christmas guys~!

The story of happiness

I saw this in an email from a friend.. not the kind of thing I usually post but it is pretty meaningful...


Once upon a time, there lived a kind hearted man. After he died, he ascend
into the heavens and became an angel. After becoming an angel, he often
comes down to earth and help those to attain happiness.

Once, he met a farmer who was sulking. He told the angel that his bull just
died and he couldn't plough the fields. The angel gave the farmer a healthy
bull. The farmer was very happy and the angel could felt his happiness.

Another time, he met a young man who was despondent. He told the angel that
he was robbed of his money and couldn't travel to his hometown. The angel
gave him some money. The young man was very happy and the angel could felt
his happiness.

This time, the angel met a poet. He was young, handsome and full of talent.
He was also rich. His wife was pretty and gentle. But he declared he wasn't
happy.

The angel asked, "You aren't happy. How can I help you?"

The poet replied, "I have everything. Bu t I lack only one thing. Can you
give it to me?"

To which the angel happily said, "Sure. I can give you anything you
desired."

The poet stared right into the angel's eyes, "I want happiness."

"All right," the angel nodded. And the angel proceed to take away
everything the poet possessed.

The angel took away the poet's talent, destroyed his looks, robbed his
riches and killed his wife. The angel then left for heaven.

A month later, the angel appeared in front of the poet. The poet was lying
on the ground, half dead, hungry and struggling for survival.

The angel then returned him everything he once possessed and left for
heaven again.

Two weeks later, the angel paid a visit to the poet. This time, the poet,
together with his wife, thanked the angel profusely. He finally found
happiness.

~~Often, a person need to lose everything before he know how to cherish.
Actually, happiness is right in front of you.

Just what is happiness?
When you are hungry, a bowl of hot noodle in front of you is happiness.
When you are tired, a soft bed is happiness.
When you are crying, a gentle tissue is happiness.

Actually, happiness has no definition. Sometimes, small actions can touch
your heart. Happiness or not, depends on how you look at it.

I got sick of the previous background. Yeeks. Too many things cramped together on a rather restricting backdrop. So I removed it all, till I find something better..Spent a few minutes on photoshop to put the grasses in, and I had a hard time picking the colour. Well, can't care much.. simple is still the best. Afterall, what you are interested is what I say, not how what I say looked..

But if you miss the old look... here it is.. maybe one day i'll miss it too...

Daisies on a sunny afternoon

Finally something good happened in the week. Actually it was a very packed Saturday this week. Seems like everyone was trying to organise an outing/gathering/reunion etc. on this day. First there was the Swiss Band chalet at sentosa, then bbq for (some specially selected swiss band members) , and I think Nova was intending a dinner outing too. The choice is obvious when I get to pick one to attend. Nothing beats a few good company. Plus, home is the best place to be when you are tired of the busy streets and packed shopping malls.

The bbq was intended as a Christmas gathering. Happening for the second year already. Sadly we are always missing one poor soul - Mr Soh - stuck on a faraway land called Brunei. Somehow we hope he managed to find himself a brunei girlfriend, cause Singaporean girls are simply too high maintenance for him. Haha.

There were only seven Golden tickets packed not in chocolates but in sms-es. Those seven were really priviledged ones cause they get to spend a night in my house. Haha. Kidding. They are the few good company I mentioned earlier. I thought the night went by too quickly. The afternoon downpour really dunked our moods into the pit bottom - almost. It was a brief bit of rain it turned out. Our good karma really helped, haha. Everything was pretty delayed due to rain. But fortunately with those talented hands of my dear friends and of coz my own, we managed to get all the food stuffs ready in a jiffy.

Actually, there was a secret I kept from everyone except my mom. You see, I booked the pits really early and I was supposed to collect the pit keys from the person in charge on tuesday because the town council is only open on tuesday night 8-9pm. I forgot. I only realized this at 2am on wed. I kept cursing at myself and found myself banging my fist on my head quite a few times. Memory is really failing me. So on the morning of wed, I went down to the RC to look for phone numbers to call for help in any form. There wasn't a direct number to call cause the committee were all volunteers. Really a damned situation I thought. Feeling desperate, I just rung up whatever numbers I can see posted on the notice board. Many couldn't offer much help except for one. Really have to thank that lady for helping me contact the members. Load off my chest when they called and told me to collect the keys on sat evening. Phew.. after I got the keys, everything went on pretty smoothly, so I spared telling them about this incident. Hehe.

Food was still considered edible. But I got sick after a chicken wing, half a sausage, one bowl of soup. In the end we still had a lot of chicken wings , a pack of otak, half a pack of sotong balls left. Enough for a second bbq actually. Haha.

I thought the night passed really fast. Wilson, Daniel, Jon, Meixian, Irene stayed over for a movie marathon. And big time talking cock session. Somehow I wished we could all be studying in the same school, being in the same cca again. Even though some will be joining me in NTU, I would be in 3rd year already. The feeling wont be the same. Sigh.

Breakfast at Mac then we were on our own way back home. Time passed too fast. Its pretty much a relative concept, when you are having fun time slips away amazingly fast. Have to wait perhaps another year for such a gathering. Can't wait. Stayed up the whole night and had to attend service at 930 with Irene. Super tired. Was snoozing on the bus there.

Really sleepy now I am typing and nodding away.

Ciao~

Piss-er in the house

So the conclusion to the debate on my tag. I'm helluva piss in the ass. The one who gets easily offended. The one who starts the pissing everytime. I take that all.. my fault okay.. mine. And also what happened TWO months back. I started the pissing. Yes, only when I found I reach my breaking point. For some who know me, I am a very accommodating person. No matter what sort of pranks Phoebe (my band senior) played on me, I have never gotten pissed at her. Well, maybe you could say because she is my senior I have no guts to be angry at her. When I need to be angry I know I will. Things that doesn't hurt me enough to break me I will let it go.

The reason why I am always pissed with you is because you are my best friend. Who else can I go to and piss off? I am pissed at you because I (subconsiously) hope that you can tolerate my nonsense. Thats the only reason.

If you think you are not petty, what about the issue between you and a certain A guy? I just don't see why you cant forgive a person for that one comment he made. Everyone has flaws k. Just because he is more of a vocal person doesn't make him bad entirely. Just like you feel you deserve it, everyone deserves a second chance.

Probably you have misread my post. I was apologetic, and freaking worried that you will be hurt. And seems like my good intentions went to waste when you started to dig up things that happened two months ago. Blah blah blah.... Fine, I'm okay with everything else except being misunderstood for my good intentions. That got me so ridiculed and hurt in a way. Words like "hunch" and "suspicion" aren't invisible are they?

Something got me pretty confused. My friend who was initially more excited about the bbq at my place than anybody else, suddenly says she has 3 events on that very day so she will turn up late. And when I asked her about the events, she only gave me two.. and one was her neighbor's house warming party. All I remember about her neighbor was that everytime she sees my friend she would be trying to detour or hide... she has never been this vague in detail about her daily grumbles.

Cause for suspicion is my recent but deleted post. She is from NUS. Okay, maybe I am thinking too much. But, she was also the one who on a few occasions commented on the "modules" offered at the two institutes. Okay. I guess she read it and felt offended. That's like 55% confirmed. Because she works at this company as a receptionist and has time to browse blogs. My hunch feels so correct.

My fault in the first place maybe. Should have kept my mouth shut. BUT, my blog is not targeted at her entirely. See, my brother is in NUS too. And being in the same year and all, my dad talks about these two schools all the time. I don't feel good at all hearing the barrage of nonsense everytime. And the last thing I need is more barrage. Maybe my fault to not let people know what I am thinking. But, how else am I to let you know about EVERY SINGLE THING IN DETAIL than to cut open my protein centre to show you? Every little thing I feel at every other instance cannot be conveyed to you, you see...

And in a way I anticipated her reaction. So, I took the entry away. I was frustrated at that moment and still frustrated now. I want to clear the misunderstanding if there are any, than let it be hidden under covers of lies and excuses.

Frustrated...

Slacker's Life

Okay peepz I hear you.. Been too slack these days to update about anything really. For the past four days I was in KL with my family for a shopping trip. Things were really really cheap there. Half the price of what is offered at our local stores. So me and my mom bought a truckload full of clothes and shoes.

Other than that, nothing much really. I have no mood to go online either, cause I got nothing much to do there, and even replying to sms and email. Too slack. I have a feeling I am living in the mountain in seclusion. Didn't go for the og outing. It was a clubbing outing. Not my favourite sort of hangout. So I gave it a miss. No life... sigh

All I am doing these days is playing games, sleeping late, eat and play catch with my cat. Just watched Harry Potter with Irene on Saturday. Disappointed by the replacement they found for the role of Albus Dumbledore.

Counter to deposit our bags before entering a wholesale
retail store in KL. We were just very amused by it.

Some tower.. dunno the name.. oopz!

KLCC