One God, One Love

Goodness Gracious!

2006-12-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

What happened to my blog!!

Sigh...

Its Christmas again!

2006-12-12T11:38:00.000+08:00

Dear readers, I'm presenting to you my homemade Christmas treats. Quality ingredients. No worries, they are all tried and tested recipies - Tested by ME! and some of my lucky friends. Do show me some support yah? On top of the list above, I also make regular cookies at

$6 for 10 pcs (approx 2.5 inches wide)
$4 for 12 pcs (approx 1.5 inches wide)

Please allow 3 days upon order for the items to be ready.

Self collection at :

Bukit Batok MRT
Yew Tee Mrt

Email raider_fangz@hotmail.com to order

Moving out..

2006-10-13T13:48:00.000+08:00

Hey all, if you still visit this place.. I'm moving to a new blog..

Find me at www.orangesunshade.blogspot.com..

See ya there!!

What the world lacks today is Compassion

2006-06-08T02:08:00.000+08:00

Big title. I just suddenly feel this way. It has been a long time since I ever used my HEART to understand the people around me. Most of the time we are too preoccupied with the troubles in our own turf to really listen and help the people around us.

Was talking to JY the other night when I stayed over at her place. I listened mostly. She was being very troubled with her work and colleagues. I offered my advice as much as I could after hearing her problems. Really hope she can get out of that situation. It is hurtful to see friends stuck in circumstances that's bad for them. As much as I want to offer my hand to get her out of the mud, ultimately, she must stretch out her hand to reach mine. Recently I read an interesting story. Here goes:

A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the ledge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs and finally yells out, "Is there anybody up there who can help me?" There was no answer. He keeps calling and calling, "Is there anyone up there who can help me?" Finally this big bellowing voice calls back, "This is God. I can help you. Just let go and trust." Next thing you hear: "Is there anybody else up there who can help me?"

The lesson is simple. If you want to move to a higher level of life, you have to be willing to let go of some of your old ways of thinking and being, and adopt new ones.

Simple story but it conveys an important message. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a rut. Some would blame it on bad luck. But whatever state or situation we are in is just a result of what we are inside.

For example, suppose you have just written a letter on your computer. You hit the print key and the letters comes out of your printer. You look at your hard copy, and lo and behold, you find a typo. So you take your trusty eraser and rub out the typo. Then you hit print again and out comes the same typo. Oh my gosh, how could this be? You just erased it! So this time you get a bigger eraser and you rub even harder and longer. You even study a three-hundred-page manual called Effective Erasing. Now you've got all the "tools" and knowledge you need. You're ready. You hit print and there it is again! "No way!" you cry out, stunned in amazement. "How could this be? What's going on here? Am I in twilight zone?"

What's going on here is that the real problem cannot be changed in the "printout", the physical world; it can only be changed in the "program", the mental, emotional, and spiritual worlds.

That is, we should make changes in the "program", that is our minds and the way we think to really rectify the problem. And not focus on the "printout" - the result.

Also, we always have to begin with ourselves. We can't change the world. But change the way we think, and we change the world.

Health is a result, illness is a result, your weight is a result. We live in a world of cause and effect.

Food for thought. Think about it. I hope it will help you, my friends.

Money Money

2006-05-29T00:52:00.000+08:00

Hmm. wE|^'s comments made me ponder for a moment.. (this, however, is not directed at you.. )

When it comes to the money issue, the cool answer would always be "Money is not important to me".. why why why? Is it real? Admitting that money is important would come across as being preoccupied with money? Why be afraid to admit that money plays a very big part in the things we are able to do today? Don't we go out and work for money in the next 40 years to come? Why then are we fighting for a good degree? Why are we fighting to climb the corporate ladder? If money is not important to us, why waste that time and just go do things we want to do? Simply because without money we can do nothing much, especially in Singapore, or any part of the world today. I am not saying money is everything, but without money you won't have much anyway. And sometimes, when you can have more, why settle for less? Perhaps you can let your family enjoy staying in a bigger house, driving them around in a bigger car?

One last question, if money is not important to you, why not empty your bank account into mine?

2006-05-25T00:38:00.000+08:00

My happiness was shortlived I suppose. Even though I was shortlisted for an interview I guess I didn't quite make the grade. Especially when they ask me why my results were "like that". Well well what can I possibly say to them?

Oh well, now I have to wait for the ballot. Like the rest of the people. I'm going to be some cheap labour. I heard results will be coming out soon for peepz in NUS. When will my results come out?? I don't know and I don't want to know about it.

Yippee!!!

2006-05-10T02:30:00.000+08:00

Hurray!! My joy is uncontainable!! Yeah!! I got shortlisted for an interview!!! Yesh! yesh! yesh!!

There were only 9 ppl shortlisted and I am last on the list. Am I lucky or what (despite my lousy results and all)! At least now I have a shot at not having to be some cheap labour for some company.. HURRAY!

Tips for interviews, anyone?

Cat Fight.. literally

2006-05-06T01:48:00.000+08:00

This was my study mate throughout the exam. A very distracting one.

The distraction has already begun..

First strike on my hand..

A second attack so swift that the camera couldn't catch up!

One last pose for the fans.. haha..

For those with the keen eye.. a cat toy that's the colour of my Bishop.
Could it be fate?
I got that toy during my JC days (2003) when me and Shena was shopping at Holland V Action City.. cool..

Waiting for my IA Interview

2006-05-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

My last paper ended yesterday on a pretty bad note. I didn't really know how to do the paper and the things that I know, I couldn't recall. Bad bad. 7 days to study for it and I waited till the last 1 and a half day before I started. My bad. Argh.

Went out with a bunch of school people. Never thought we would "hang out" together in the first place. Watched MI:3 after a brief lunch at Tiong Bahru. I was in a state of discomfort and restlessness. Partly because I only had 3 hours of sleep the night before. Throughout the show I was trying to find a comfortable position to take a nap. Argh. The show opened with a series of detonation cords lighting themselves up. I was "cheesed" to the max. I have never thought the theme sounded so cheesy. I'm not the biggest fan of action movies anyway. I thought too many impossible things happened in the show. Didn't buy the whole thing. Oh well. Wasted 8 bucks.

Later on, we went for a buffet at Harborfront. Chinese style buffet in a restaurant, something I could only imagine doing with my family. Funny feeling being the only girl at a table with 6 other guys. I cared more about the food anyway. Haha.

My IA interview schedule was supposed to be out today. Another disappointment. The results are not out yet! Kill me straight don't leave me hanging! Got to wait for them to call or email. Goodness. Can't they hurry and pick me?! Haha.

How bad are you?

2006-05-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

Are you a good or bad boy/girl?? Add one point for everything you have done. If you get more than 60 - you are bad! Lower than that-- no worries you're still a little angel!

BE HONEST!!! NO CHEATING!

1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 4

11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 6

21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 6

31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 1

41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 1

51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 2

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 2

71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 1

81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 8 (oopz! HIGH SCORE)

91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 5

Final total: 36

Stole this from Azri.. I am just as bad as him. Haha.

The Virgo

2006-05-02T20:17:00.000+08:00

Your sign of Virgo is of an earthy nature and is representative of the sixth sign of the zodiac. You belong to a group of people known for their perfectionist and highly analytical minds. In a way, Virgos are misunderstood and this attention to detail and striving for excellence has in many circles given you a rather unusual reputation for being extremely critical. The fact is that you aspire to doing things properly, methodically through the work and service that you perform.

As you are ruled by the intellectual planet Mercury, you bring a clear and decisive viewpoint to any matter at hand. Others who may not be so precise in the way they execute their own duty find it hard dealing with you. In your own mind there’s no point in doing anything half-heartedly. Your critical eye, therefore, must express itself if you see anything less than acceptable.

Some people think you’re shy and unassuming but this is because your caution is simply your way of observing people and situations before jumping to conclusions. You certainly do have keen intelligence and a capacity for learning but prefer to make your decisions based on sound judgments and sufficient facts. When you do express your criticisms it is more than likely because you’ve analysed and summed up a situation quite correctly before doing so. While some people might find this an annoying habit, others will never hesitate to involve you in their work, social scene or even personal projects, as your expertise is highly valued. You make a wonderful impression with your skilful insights and broad-based knowledge. In other words you are a most interesting person to associate with.

Your keen eye may sometimes be turned back on yourself and self-criticism could become a very personal challenge for you. No matter what you do or achieve, it will never seem quite good enough for you. Others may praise you and encourage you for the good work and the excellence of your service, but you don’t really believe it, do you, Virgo? This may be expressed as fastidiousness and a constant distraction about cleanliness, hygiene and tidiness, although there are some Virgos who swing to the completely opposite direction and are sloppy and untidy. This is rare, however.

This preoccupation with outer cleanliness, order and method may be a compulsion, a distraction from deeper issues and opportunities that life offers. There is a vast difference between compulsive obsession behaviour and generally keeping things tidy. You must try to discipline your already evolved mind to understand the difference and relax more.

If you can overcome your tendency to high-strung nervous tension, an overly critical and precision-based interaction with others, you will enjoy your life so much more, Virgo. Allow yourself to imbibe the youthful, childlike and innocent qualities of your ruling planet Mercury, which is referred to as “a youngster” in Hindi mythology. This return to your innate innocence is the true symbolic expression of Virgo the Virgin. That purity and childlike innocence is what your true nature is really all about.

Halfway Hanging

2006-05-02T00:43:00.000+08:00

Yep. I spent a whole day to change my bloggie. I said I would almost half a year ago. Finally something I like personally this time. The previous one wasn't worth remembering at all. This isn't very original, but I modified a huge part of it, which makes it sort of original. The ultimate mind-boggling thing was how to make the graphics mesh together nicely. Argh. And I have a feeling its going to look weird on IE.

Exams is just almost over. One more paper to go and I could vaguely remember the module title. Great. Only two days left, I am always waiting for the sense of crisis to hit. It comes a tad too late everytime. Just like what happened to MS2008. I only looked at the crucial stuffs minutes before I entered the examination hall.

I'm off MSN for so long I'm kinda scared to go back. The fear of all the alerts thats going to sound. Not that many people will come find me to chat but I've been in isolation for too long to welcome any form of human interaction so abruptly. Got to start "warming up" again. I enjoy isolation too much for my own good.

I'm really praying hard to get my interview company. I applied for ExxonMobil. Its really hard to get 'cause everyone wants it. Just hoping hoping...

I'm Back

2006-04-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back after a month of mugging. I have been away for so long I had to ponder a while for the log-in password. My language have fallen to a new low. See?

I guess I'm lack of anything interesting to say. My brain is overloaded with lecture notes and past year papers I am no longer functioning properly as a human being. Blogging seems like a dying interest and my lack of coherence only made it worse.

My cat killed a lizard yesterday and I witnessed the whole process. Was quite sick after that, and I found it hard to sayang my cat a bit. Hmm.. but now I'm okay. I still love my cat VERY much.

I still have one last paper on the 4th of May. And after that, I'm going to have my much awaited break! Need to find a temp job before my industrial attachment(Yeay!.. I really hope I can get my interview company!! Praying hard!!) Any one have any lobangs let me know yah?

I found that its hard to make new friends in the school. Trying to widen my circle of friends coz its just too darn small. Its pathetic. But its not easy to make new friends 'cause singaporeans aren't THAT friendly anyway.

Met Aisha on the train just now. Real nice catching up with old friends. Brings back happy thoughts, unlike the harsh and dry university life I am leading. Why do some people have such fufiling university life?

Saw Wan Rou on 179 today too. Nice to know after so many years we still can recognize each other. And saw many of my friends from EEE at the exam venue today too. Heard that course is a killer. Scary. Either that or I'm just too dumb for that. I'm kinda enjoying the lack of sophistication in my course subjects.

Its also high time to reschedule my tuitions so that I won't have to attend service too early in the morning, and being alone there ( I have difficulties waking up anyway.) Okay, I admit when I know I'll be alone I don't attend at all. I deserve a huge knock in the head I know. bOO. So much for telling Irene to come to church, I feel so hypocritical.

Contemplating a tuition assignment. Hmm.. I feel the need to help kids with their work. (blah.. I know none of you believe this one. But its TRUE.) I taught these two brothers last year. Stopped for almost half a year, now the mother is asking me back. Hmm.. How how? Thinking hard..

The Day Me and My Cat Fell

2006-03-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

At the veterinarian waiting for the vet to come back from lunch.
In a basket, immobile. Poor Bishop.

My cat fell, literally, from nine storeys down. It was a miracle it survived without any internal injuries. Just a broken pelvis. It was a miracle. But I am heartbroken nonetheless. I scoured through my entire block the moment I found Bishop not in the house. From 12 storeys to the first I searched. It was only until I heard him call out when I was on the ground floor I realised he was nearby. The worry that I may never find him again was lifted. I searched around on the ground floor and found nothing. My cousin came along to join in the search. I then went up to the second level and there it was, on the roof of the porch, crying out in pain. I had no idea how it landed there, I didn't dare think it jumped from my balcony. I carried it back to my house to realise that it couldn't walk nor stand up. This was much worse. My cousin had to rush Bishop to a veterinarian. I was really afraid I would lose him.

I fell. This affected me a lot. Plus, all the things that I'm supposed to be doing keeps piling up. Being reprimanded for something I had no idea how to do but tried to do. Thank you. Its enough for me. For all these things to strike me at one go. I guess things happen at the wrong time wrong place. I should have never taken the FC position. Let's just say I have committment issues. I am stretched really thin. I'm sorry I had not taken good control of the situation. I am sorry I disappointed people. I'm heading for disaster. I should tender my resignation for the FOC long ago. I knew I had no time. Things have turned out this way, I've got nothing to explain. I don't know what to change in the budget except vague instructions such as, "reconsider the log pnp and welfare budget, the total expenditure is too high/ low." (heck). My bad I didn't double check the quantities. The minutes said much, not. Meetings were held on days I had tuition and I was unable to go. It was not as though I did not request for certain portfolios to update on quotations. I heard of nothing afterwhich. People aren't helping when they do not confirm the information I need to report to some other party. Everyone tells me they are busy. So is it my fault that I'm busy too?

I am in a bad shape mentally. Working with friends in something is a tricky situation. The same goes for the previous episode on project work.

I am without brains because I threw it away.

Projects Bring Out the Worst in People

2006-03-18T01:06:00.000+08:00

Singaporeans are selfish. Face it. We are selfish like it or not. In a way, I am disappointed I have to come to this conclusion.

I have issues regarding Project Work in school. The school encourages project work to let us learn from each other, to be able to work with others and share the task at hand. To begin with, university students are a whole bunch of selfish people. Try putting all these selfish people together, you simply get a big group of selfish people who hardly gets much done. Make a module worth 2 aus with projects and presentations, seriously, its really hard to bother yourself. I admit, I didn't care enough for things to work out smoothly, neither do I have that luxury of time. Its a common excuse. Who really has time anyway?

I admit I couldn't care less for a module that's worth 2 academic units. Who cares if you get an A? It won't matter much if you don't anyway. I just don't get it. As much as I try to keep the group together, people want to walk out on it. It is out of my control to make people come for meetings and stay long enough to finish the task. I know there are people who think they have what it takes to do things on their own. I would jolly say, "Yes, by all means." For the sake of the tutor and other group members, and for the fact that this is a project, I have to spend time to pacify many parties. At the same time, compromise my position.

Some people care too much while some simply refuse to. Why prolong our agony? Get the damn project done and thats it!

I'd love to say just F**** the whole damn project. But religion and responsibilty forbids me to do so. Like I've said, a project isn't worth killing yourself and your groupmates. This was the first time I got mad at someone because of a project. It's stupid, to put it bluntly. Such things only happen in primary schools. This, we will realise when this semester is over. Yes, perhaps you will get an A for this module, you'll find that you lost good relationships with people. Losing friends is definitely not worth it especially when you find that you don't have much to begin with. So not everyone would feel that friends are important. Especially university friends, superficial, I would call most of the friendships forged in university. My point is if you can't maintain good relationship with the people around you even in university, you will have a whole lot to suffer when you go out working, which I believe is going to be much worse.

You may call me superficial. No matter if the project is done to perfection or not, I'd want to keep people happy with one another. At the end of the day, project is short term. Relationships with people goes a far longer way.

This entry has not been engineered to target any individual in particular. Parties involved serves only as part of the experience I have had in the above mentioned Project. I am not afraid to anger people. However, this is just not my purpose at this point in time.

Blogging seems to be getting boring

2006-03-12T01:31:00.000+08:00

Yeah. Its really boring when you find that you got nothing to talk about. Reminds me that I'm leading a really boring life. Every entry equals one reminder. When is this going to change??

30 odd days till exams. I'm a mood spoiler here I know. But whatever. I'm boring with nothing better to say anyway. So guys.. hope you all study hard for exams!.. I don't think I need to remind anyone but myself. I'm so leading a sad life..

My Favorite Box has My Favourite things No More!!

2006-03-03T16:07:00.000+08:00

No more Discovery Channel for me. No more Animal Planet. No more National Geographic. No more Discovery Travelling and Living. I am going to become dumber!

In place of my favourite channels, my brother subscribed the sports channels (&#$%#@&!!!). Think he got Hallmark and stars movie too. Bleh~

I really hate soccer because of my brother. However great the sport may be, I hate it! Thanks to my brother.

Today I finished the foc budget. Thank goodness. One more thing off my overdue list.

I'm in a really pissed mood today. Plus, someone really wanted to get on my nerves. Sometimes, you just got to know when to back off. Some people just don't. I decided not to care. Why kill my brain cells over something so unimportant?

Hey people. I don't know if you have noticed, I have another blog too. Sideasideb... spare it a few minutes k? Thanks.. its hopelessly neglected.

Blogging

2006-03-02T03:03:00.000+08:00

It seems like blogging has become a chore for me. I only blog when people bug me to. Seriously, this semester has made me feel like a lost sheep in desert. At least if I'm a camel, I have water in my humps. A sheep? I'm as good as dead.

40 days and counting.. exams are coming. I wish to get this semester over and done with and go for my IA in my 3rd year 1st sem. I dunno if its a dumb plan, I just want to get away from studying for a long period of time! 3 months of holidays is waiting for me. Plus, if I go for my IA, I will get away from studying for almost 9 months! Seems like a good plan to me...

The FOC is nearing and I haven't really done much as the finance controller. Seriously I wish someone will take my place. I hate responsibilities! I guess I'm asking the obvious.. who would want a job as shitty as this? I am too dumb to turn down this position. Should have just volunteered to be a senior attach.. slack and enjoy.. Stupid me.. downright stupid.

Xiao Mao must be wishing I have loads of money to buy loads of cat food!

2006-02-25T01:31:00.000+08:00

I think I am losing my coherence. My posts are all in short and brief sentences. Unlike in the past, I was able to blabber on and on in huge paragraphs.

I think I have lost of gift of bitching. Perhaps its time I grew up. :x

Nowadays, I am hardly angry at any tiny thing. Good thing, really. Now my head can be used for the greater things in life. Bigger arguments. (haha)

I thought my previous post was really distasteful. Maybe this is the problem with virgos. We think too much and we leave many things unsaid till the breaking point. Which makes us appear as really problematic people.

Definitely it made me feel better letting things out. Thanks weiwei for listening. I must have been a damn scary person. HAha.

Also, I found such posts can make people tag! Saucy juicy news eh? Enough of crap, I should not be abusing people's concern and taking them for granted. Thank you people...

My Xiao Mao is growing well. I think I should call it Bishop. Simply because it looks like one. Chim name I feel.. and rather difficult to call for it to sound cute.

Question for the day: " Where do you see yourself five years down the road?"

Because what you do today will be where you are heading 5 years later. Do you see yourself where you wanna be, and are you doing the things which leads you where you wanna go?

Anyone who has a heart

2006-02-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

Why do you have that special somebody in your heart?

I can't feel my heart. Sometimes I realise I've got no heart. I do not have anything. While people can have the one person they love in there, I found my own to be empty.

Why?

I also wonder why I'm not able to be anybody's special someone.

It would be a real blessing to know that someone keeps a special place for you.

I do not have that good fortune.

I realise the desireable men that I have met, their hearts are occupied already.

(Desireable does not just include good looks.. rich dads.. fast cars..I mean genuinely good people.)

I am sadden.

Why am I not that kind of woman to receive such good grace.

Things don't always turns out the way you want them to be.

What will it take me to replace that person in your heart?

Sometimes I thought if I were to find the right person, I would give my all to take that person's place.

But on retrospect, I would always be a substitute, second to what was initially there.

And not to mention, I would be psychotic.

Many a times, I pictured myself leading a life on my own.

Things I desire seems to be taken already.

I'm in a circumstance where I am not free to do what I want.

I can only see you behind a wall of glass, and I can't break that wall.

Shattering that wall would mean shattering you.

Sick

2006-02-13T10:42:00.000+08:00

My year started real lousy.. I found myself sick in the first two months more often than any three years combined before 2006. What is happening to me!?

Today I got diahorrea.. this same thing happened last week on tuesday.. before cny I was down with a cold.. then I lost my voice. Argh..

Then a few nights back I had a really freakish dream.. I dreamt that I was in the washroom, washing my hands at the sink and I found myself bleeding really badly. Blood was oozing out from my wrist.. but strangely I couldn't see the wound and felt no pain.. But blood was all over the place. Then I looked up into the mirror and saw that I had sunken cheeks, complexion really grey. I look dead. Argh.. freakish..

I remember I was in a white robe.. but stained with blood (wrist continues bleeding).. I walked out of the washroom and walked to somewhere I thought was like a restaurant. Then everyone turned and gasped,"OMG, what happened to her?"

I stood there for a moment or two, still wondering what exactly has happened to me... then I woke up.

When I opened my eyes, I felt a little restrained.. couldn't really move my body.. spasm.

I kept praying and praying after that. I dunno what my dream means. Maybe its just some horror movie that I've seen or I am self-mutilating.. sigh.. maybe I'm just really stressed and drained.

Time

2006-02-01T03:06:00.000+08:00

I have been urged to change the layout of my blog, or rather, to finish it.

You see, time is a precious commodity.

I'm so tied up with commitments in school and out of. I'm so busy I hardly have the time to breathe!

For a moment I wanted to revert back to the blog templates provided by blogger. The simplier they are the more pleasing. And entries look good on them too. User friendly and navigation is smooth. I am so r-e-s-i-s-t-i-n-g the urge to change it to the custom templates.

I guess I will stick with these. I didn't spend that 5 mins on Photoshop for nothing. Much less to say, another 30 mins on the positioning of all those links.

I could only wish I have more than 24 hours in a day....

By far the most interesting thing that happened this week:

The main purpose of this photo was to try out the "big head small head" effect as suggested by my little brother. I thought this was a really nice photo despite my plastic smile and awfully "kok" plastic frames, and my (skinny) brother's double chin.

I used the same picture on msn and everyone I talked to asked if that's my boyfriend. Haha. Of the many comments, one said.. "hmm.. quite yandao"... and another.. "quite chio"... (head swells)... I guess it runs in the family...

Chinese New Year : A Prelude

2006-01-24T14:59:00.000+08:00

Counting down the days to the Lunar Chinese New Year, an approximate 4 days.

Just had a quiz yesterday, 4 questions, 2 screwed. Hopefully I can pass... sigh... Who in the right mind would give a quiz in the week right before chinese new year anyway?!

In the school computer lab now. Suppose to be having class on library reseach skills. Blah.. I am not in the correct condition now.. stomach aching (has been like tat for the past few days) Its not exactly the poopy kind of ache.. something is wrong...

Vacuumed my room for the first time this year today. Cleared out some junk too.. Just heard a friend's Toshiba notebook went into some accident. Not quite an accident anyway because she didn't know what happened or what she did to it. Sad case. Apparently, she suddenly found a 3 by 1 cm crack on her LCD screen. Ouch! I asked a schoolmate of mine for the possible causes.. perhaps my friend hugged it too hard, she rested the laptop with the LCD screen at the bottom.. this would cause stress on the screen and quite possibly, result in a crack. So, NEVER rest your notebook face down.

So I was supposed to be talking about the Chinese New Year. It was definitely something I look forward to in the past, when your age begins with 1. aRgh. Now, not only the ang-pao money will shrink dramatically, the number of (awkward) questions nosey relatives ask will be never-ending. The cooking, entertaining, talking, smiling, gossiping, feasting a common norm at my place on the first day of the new year. That's why I dread New Year.. more work for my family.

Going to other people's house is quite a chore too. Usually you'll be stuck at a friend's or relative's house for the whole day just bumming around doing nothing, or perhaps doing what is usually termed "socialising". So usually I would try to kill time snacking.. the most interesting and least tiring thing to do... sigh

My ideal new year would be a holiday. But I realised the youngsters these days (including me.. haha) are too "westernised" to notice the importance of the chinese new year. I am ashamed of myself in a way, and in another way, perhaps all the zest I once had has been eaten away by bad habits of people who goes to other people's house and mess up everything.. people who smiles and stabs you in the face.. cousins who can't stop comparing who has more designer label clothes, whose bf is more hunky.. the list goes on.

Okay okay.. not all my relatives are so bad. There are nice ones too. Hmm.. new year will come and go.. so I'll just shut my eye and wait for it to go away.. hahaha

A guy from my secondary school

2006-01-17T12:27:00.000+08:00

I was cleaning my room and I came across a bag full of greeting cards that old friends sent to me. I felt really bad looking at that bag because I received so much from friends and yet I gave so little. I was really unappreciative in the past really.

Just let me name a few.. the highest hits of cards sent to me were Cuixia, ruby, Irene, Ying wen, yihui, peishi... etc.etc. Not arranged in order though. I really want to thank these people and I want to apologize for not thanking them any earlier.

I came across one card halfway through the bag. Its a card plus letter from a certain guy called Jason from my 4E2 class... I read the letter (as though for the first time, cause its too faraway a time to really remember.) and I felt so bad for the things I've done. A certain teddy bear was "disemboweled" because I rejected it. At the end of the secondary four year, I received another present. A dog soft toy (I really liked cats, you see). Together with the card and letter of coz. The second time round I kept all three things. I guess I was too immature to handle situations like this in the past. To begin with, I was rather insensitive to people's feelings.

The whole point is, I want to apologize to this Jason from my class. Even though its not that important now, I still want to say my sorry.

Just last year, I was celebrating my birthday at Swensons' (Jurong Point) with my ntu friends, I saw Jason. I was really happy to see he has gotten himself a very pretty girlfriend. Good going! But I didn't say hi to him, and perhaps he didn't see me or something. Though I thought maybe we can start being friends again (we weren't really friends in school cause I was a big time mean-nie).

There's no amount of sorries I can say for the way I behaved... too many bad things I've done to too many people.....

Mei Xian's Birthday

2006-01-16T00:49:00.000+08:00

DO-RE-MI-FA-SO

(From left: Daniel Jonathan Meixian Irene Me)

Scandalous Pic

Revealed....

feeling exhilarated after eating my "tofu"....

testing the camera...

Cats do similar funny things

2006-01-14T02:03:00.000+08:00

My Xiao Mao

Lee's Linus

The New Year is like the Old Thing now

2006-01-10T23:15:00.001+08:00

Yeah, especially after school started. Its back to the rat race again. Chasing lectures and tutorials and hopefully catching sufficient sleep at night to prepare for another day's mad chase.

I've had funny dreams these days. Dreamt horribly sad dreams about people in my secondary school band, but there were funny parts too, out of this world.

The weather is still not getting any drier. On the contrary, the duration of downpours just gets longer and longer. Everything seems so grey and its super hard to get out of bed.

My brother is now dating a girl 3 years older than him, working as a sales executive at a printer company. Pay ard 3k... man.. what does that girl see in my brother? I'm not trying to "pour cold water" all over him, but seriously its hard to imagine a working person would be interested in a poor lad like my bro. I really just dun want him to be made use of by that girl or get cheated.

Basically my week was uneventful. Common in entries during the school sem. I foresee myself blogging a thousand new entries complaining and whinning about the suck-i-ness of school.

Jolene gave me a pretty unique key chain she got from thailand. Its a green condom. Special. Good educational tool to tell people to practice safe sex. (Wahaha)

New Ear

2006-01-02T16:20:00.000+08:00

I thought maybe this new year deserves a better entry than the 6 piece of effortless s***.

By the way, I also thought this new year, everyone deserves a new ear. Discard the old ear that has been accustomed to filtering out too many things before it gets to the brain. I hope everyone uses their new ear to open their minds. I wish for myself too. Oopz, and also to listen to the lecturer instead of snoozing in the lecture hall. Well, unless the lecturer is helluva snooze enhancer of some sort.

Listen to your family and friends. Listening is one of the greatest life skill I realize.... it makes people want to talk to you because they need someone to listen to them. So, always listen and don't fight to talk.

First day of school is like... tomorrow. A friend asked me whether I bought my school shoes from Bata already. Lame like ass. But actually I realize I actually miss those days where I was really excited about school. Days where I can't sleep the night before school day. Sometimes I was so anxious I even dreamt of the buses at my primary school all changed their numbers and I couldn't find the bus 61 or 852 to take me back home. Now it doesn't seem that way. First day of school I already feel like skipping. Only 1 hour of lecture. A mixture of dread and fear. Fear the exams that will come at the end of this semester. Dread the long days that are to come. I tried to be excited about school to feel less bored by it (learnt this from a friend). So I printed all the notes that were posted on edventure. Looking at them made me even more bored. Wrong move. One thing I'm glad is that I'll be with my usual lab mates again. At least I don't have to waste so much time on that 1 au.

The past month of holiday feel so wasted. Didn't accomplish much. Rotted mostly at home. My usual waking hours have become 1pm. Sleeping hours like 3am in the morning. My clock is screwed. And the thought of waking at 7 will kill me instantly.

My cat is biting people (ME) very often. Even when it is not being irritated. And teething won't go on for so long, will it? It needs a mother cat to discipline it. Sigh... or maybe its too late now? I think its 3 months old already. And I don't suppose anyone has an experienced mother cat to lend me anyway.

Weather please turn a little warmer please. I hate going out on wet days. My feet gets wet and slippery, it sucks. And I don't like to wear "winter" clothings. I like my tee shirts!.. Sweaters and cardigans are troublesome I feel. Argh... and I can't really bear to bathe my cat in such weather. It will be shaking incontrollably even after I rub it dry already. I even saw it sneeze a couple of times. Now its smelling like a pair of worn socks. Stinko.

2006-01-01T18:49:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE

BEST WISHES FOR THE NEW YEAR

(I'm too lazy to sms.. oOpz!)

Some sleep will do me good.

2005-12-29T03:57:00.000+08:00

The end of my year is marked with an awful closing. Awful because I caused it to be. I am the bad guy I feel. For making someone cry. For making many people worried. I just couldn't believe what happened to me. If I should stop caring so much, it would make this whole episode avoidable.

I just felt it wasn't appropriate. Nothing more than that. And I just hope it didn't happen that way. Have all the fun you want, yes, but make sure no one gets hurt. Such things happen all the time.. its sad that human beings are capable of behaving as such. Painful especially for those who are involved. Everything comes with a consequence. People should start being sensible. Many parties should be this way.

I am definitely not angry. Because in the first place it does not concern me. But I only wish you could do as you ought to. And I found maybe I don't know how to speak to you. Not that I do not want to. It not worth being angry and irrational. I was only disappointed. The disappointment will go away eventually I hope.

In need of faith...

My Black Cat

2005-12-26T03:11:00.000+08:00

This is my black cat. So far I have heard like a thousand weird responses, and only a number of more positive remarks. Well, most people are apprehensive towards black cats. But in fact, a black cat is just like any other cat. Nothing taboo really. They are just as cute. (my cat loves the camera, and me. Ahah)

Christmas

2005-12-25T17:05:00.000+08:00

Probably some few thousands of people will be blogging about Christmas on their blogs. And I believe theirs will be a hundred times more exciting than mine.

This Christmas I have heard mostly bad news. News about people separating, or people unable to be with their loved one. Very depressing. Sometimes I feel rather lucky that I am not involved in such situations. Somehow I always made sure I invest as little feelings as possible. Only because the more you invest, the worse it feels when something unfortunate happens. Past experiences taught me to become a coward. Not a good thing either.

So I was having a discussion with Cuixia after service today. She was telling me how numb she felt towards relationships after the recent breakup-patch-breakup with her ex boyfriend. I totally agreed with her when she told me how she would feel when she was in her Secondary school. Every little thing between the (different) guy and her could be really special. Unlike now, she won't be feeling much.

Actually having too many past relationships ain't really that good a thing.

Christmas this year was rather different for me. I have never felt so committed to my church, even though last year I also attended the Christmas service. I was there on Christmas Eve night for a celebration (brief one) and the Christmas service in the morning. This time round I was very willing to attend, unlike last year I was more of being dragged there. My cousin was also invited to join me. She wanted to see what it was like to be at a Christmas celebration in a church. I was more than willing to show her.

This year, not wishing for much really, because I already got much of what I really need. The materialistic me has taken a back seat this time round. All my wants didn't seem that important anymore.

Oh no, I don't know how to end off. Can't say I need to sleep cause I only just woke up! Slept at 3 and woke at 7. After service I just collapsed on my bed till 3 in the afternoon. Think I will just go.. Merry Christmas guys~!

The story of happiness

2005-12-24T02:34:00.000+08:00

I saw this in an email from a friend.. not the kind of thing I usually post but it is pretty meaningful... Once upon a time, there lived a kind hearted man. After he died, he ascend into the heavens and became an angel. After becoming an angel, he often comes down to earth and help those to attain happiness. Once, he met a farmer who was sulking. He told the angel that his bull just died and he couldn't plough the fields. The angel gave the farmer a healthy bull. The farmer was very happy and the angel could felt his happiness. Another time, he met a young man who was despondent. He told the angel that he was robbed of his money and couldn't travel to his hometown. The angel gave him some money. The young man was very happy and the angel could felt his happiness. This time, the angel met a poet. He was young, handsome and full of talent. He was also rich. His wife was pretty and gentle. But he declared he wasn't happy. The angel asked, "You aren't happy. How can I help you?" The poet replied, "I have everything. Bu t I lack only one thing. Can you give it to me?" To which the angel happily said, "Sure. I can give you anything you desired." The poet stared right into the angel's eyes, "I want happiness." "All right," the angel nodded. And the angel proceed to take away everything the poet possessed. The angel took away the poet's talent, destroyed his looks, robbed his riches and killed his wife. The angel then left for heaven. A month later, the angel appeared in front of the poet. The poet was lying on the ground, half dead, hungry and struggling for survival. The angel then returned him everything he once possessed and left for heaven again. Two weeks later, the angel paid a visit to the poet. This time, the poet, together with his wife, thanked the angel profusely. He finally found happiness. ~~Often, a person need to lose everything before he know how to cherish. Actually, happiness is right in front of you. Just what is happiness? When you are hungry, a bowl of hot noodle in front of you is happiness. When you are tired, a soft bed is happiness. When you are crying, a gentle tissue is happiness. Actually, happiness has no definition. Sometimes, small actions can touch your heart. Happiness or not, depends on how you look at it.

2005-12-22T01:45:00.000+08:00

I got sick of the previous background. Yeeks. Too many things cramped together on a rather restricting backdrop. So I removed it all, till I find something better..Spent a few minutes on photoshop to put the grasses in, and I had a hard time picking the colour. Well, can't care much.. simple is still the best. Afterall, what you are interested is what I say, not how what I say looked..

But if you miss the old look... here it is.. maybe one day i'll miss it too...

Daisies on a sunny afternoon

2005-12-18T12:06:00.000+08:00

Finally something good happened in the week. Actually it was a very packed Saturday this week. Seems like everyone was trying to organise an outing/gathering/reunion etc. on this day. First there was the Swiss Band chalet at sentosa, then bbq for (some specially selected swiss band members) , and I think Nova was intending a dinner outing too. The choice is obvious when I get to pick one to attend. Nothing beats a few good company. Plus, home is the best place to be when you are tired of the busy streets and packed shopping malls.

The bbq was intended as a Christmas gathering. Happening for the second year already. Sadly we are always missing one poor soul - Mr Soh - stuck on a faraway land called Brunei. Somehow we hope he managed to find himself a brunei girlfriend, cause Singaporean girls are simply too high maintenance for him. Haha.

There were only seven Golden tickets packed not in chocolates but in sms-es. Those seven were really priviledged ones cause they get to spend a night in my house. Haha. Kidding. They are the few good company I mentioned earlier. I thought the night went by too quickly. The afternoon downpour really dunked our moods into the pit bottom - almost. It was a brief bit of rain it turned out. Our good karma really helped, haha. Everything was pretty delayed due to rain. But fortunately with those talented hands of my dear friends and of coz my own, we managed to get all the food stuffs ready in a jiffy.

Actually, there was a secret I kept from everyone except my mom. You see, I booked the pits really early and I was supposed to collect the pit keys from the person in charge on tuesday because the town council is only open on tuesday night 8-9pm. I forgot. I only realized this at 2am on wed. I kept cursing at myself and found myself banging my fist on my head quite a few times. Memory is really failing me. So on the morning of wed, I went down to the RC to look for phone numbers to call for help in any form. There wasn't a direct number to call cause the committee were all volunteers. Really a damned situation I thought. Feeling desperate, I just rung up whatever numbers I can see posted on the notice board. Many couldn't offer much help except for one. Really have to thank that lady for helping me contact the members. Load off my chest when they called and told me to collect the keys on sat evening. Phew.. after I got the keys, everything went on pretty smoothly, so I spared telling them about this incident. Hehe.

Food was still considered edible. But I got sick after a chicken wing, half a sausage, one bowl of soup. In the end we still had a lot of chicken wings , a pack of otak, half a pack of sotong balls left. Enough for a second bbq actually. Haha.

I thought the night passed really fast. Wilson, Daniel, Jon, Meixian, Irene stayed over for a movie marathon. And big time talking cock session. Somehow I wished we could all be studying in the same school, being in the same cca again. Even though some will be joining me in NTU, I would be in 3rd year already. The feeling wont be the same. Sigh.

Breakfast at Mac then we were on our own way back home. Time passed too fast. Its pretty much a relative concept, when you are having fun time slips away amazingly fast. Have to wait perhaps another year for such a gathering. Can't wait. Stayed up the whole night and had to attend service at 930 with Irene. Super tired. Was snoozing on the bus there.

Really sleepy now I am typing and nodding away.

Ciao~

Piss-er in the house

2005-12-13T21:24:00.000+08:00

So the conclusion to the debate on my tag. I'm helluva piss in the ass. The one who gets easily offended. The one who starts the pissing everytime. I take that all.. my fault okay.. mine. And also what happened TWO months back. I started the pissing. Yes, only when I found I reach my breaking point. For some who know me, I am a very accommodating person. No matter what sort of pranks Phoebe (my band senior) played on me, I have never gotten pissed at her. Well, maybe you could say because she is my senior I have no guts to be angry at her. When I need to be angry I know I will. Things that doesn't hurt me enough to break me I will let it go.

The reason why I am always pissed with you is because you are my best friend. Who else can I go to and piss off? I am pissed at you because I (subconsiously) hope that you can tolerate my nonsense. Thats the only reason.

If you think you are not petty, what about the issue between you and a certain A guy? I just don't see why you cant forgive a person for that one comment he made. Everyone has flaws k. Just because he is more of a vocal person doesn't make him bad entirely. Just like you feel you deserve it, everyone deserves a second chance.

Probably you have misread my post. I was apologetic, and freaking worried that you will be hurt. And seems like my good intentions went to waste when you started to dig up things that happened two months ago. Blah blah blah.... Fine, I'm okay with everything else except being misunderstood for my good intentions. That got me so ridiculed and hurt in a way. Words like "hunch" and "suspicion" aren't invisible are they?

2005-12-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

Something got me pretty confused. My friend who was initially more excited about the bbq at my place than anybody else, suddenly says she has 3 events on that very day so she will turn up late. And when I asked her about the events, she only gave me two.. and one was her neighbor's house warming party. All I remember about her neighbor was that everytime she sees my friend she would be trying to detour or hide... she has never been this vague in detail about her daily grumbles.

Cause for suspicion is my recent but deleted post. She is from NUS. Okay, maybe I am thinking too much. But, she was also the one who on a few occasions commented on the "modules" offered at the two institutes. Okay. I guess she read it and felt offended. That's like 55% confirmed. Because she works at this company as a receptionist and has time to browse blogs. My hunch feels so correct.

My fault in the first place maybe. Should have kept my mouth shut. BUT, my blog is not targeted at her entirely. See, my brother is in NUS too. And being in the same year and all, my dad talks about these two schools all the time. I don't feel good at all hearing the barrage of nonsense everytime. And the last thing I need is more barrage. Maybe my fault to not let people know what I am thinking. But, how else am I to let you know about EVERY SINGLE THING IN DETAIL than to cut open my protein centre to show you? Every little thing I feel at every other instance cannot be conveyed to you, you see...

And in a way I anticipated her reaction. So, I took the entry away. I was frustrated at that moment and still frustrated now. I want to clear the misunderstanding if there are any, than let it be hidden under covers of lies and excuses.

Frustrated...

Slacker's Life

2005-12-08T21:25:00.000+08:00

Okay peepz I hear you.. Been too slack these days to update about anything really. For the past four days I was in KL with my family for a shopping trip. Things were really really cheap there. Half the price of what is offered at our local stores. So me and my mom bought a truckload full of clothes and shoes.

Other than that, nothing much really. I have no mood to go online either, cause I got nothing much to do there, and even replying to sms and email. Too slack. I have a feeling I am living in the mountain in seclusion. Didn't go for the og outing. It was a clubbing outing. Not my favourite sort of hangout. So I gave it a miss. No life... sigh

All I am doing these days is playing games, sleeping late, eat and play catch with my cat. Just watched Harry Potter with Irene on Saturday. Disappointed by the replacement they found for the role of Albus Dumbledore.

Counter to deposit our bags before entering a wholesale
retail store in KL. We were just very amused by it.

Some tower.. dunno the name.. oopz!

KLCC

My courage grew a tiny winy bit

2005-11-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

I am glad I did what I did. I realize things aren't always as formidable as what I tend to perceive them to be. I'm glad I made my guts grew a bit in not just one way. Long way to go still.

I endured.

2005-11-23T16:18:00.000+08:00

The torment is over. FINALLY. I have been waiting for this day since the start of the semester. A little exaggerated lah. But its still mostly true. Thanks for all the luck from those who wished and encouraged me in one way or another. I must say I have been really lucky in this exam. To think that I could have not recalled so many things, I remembered 60% of those I thought I forgot. Thank God. BUT, that doesn't mean I will be expecting good results because I have been so last minute. Pray hard I don't bao anything.

Now I can officially watch all the tv I want, all the games I wanna play, all the shopping I wanna do, all the sleep I wanna sleep, laze all I want. Yes. Laze all I want!

And straight after my exams, I found a job. Actually the job found me during the exams, but only now can I accept it. Its the same old job I have been doing for the past hols. Plus I got a tiny pay rise. (Finally dared to open my golden mouth..phew~) Need the job to fuel my endless shopping craves. No choice. Can't keep spending my parent's money. Just busted another 40 bucks at Body Shop just now. Because I wanted to get rid of a $10 voucher, I end up buying 3 bottles of shower foam and a bottle of body lotion, the voucher still in my wallet. I think the sales assistant there is quite smart lah. First she told us that getting another item entitles me to a 20% discount. So I went to grab another bottle of shower foam. So now I have 3 of them. Next up, she told us we need another $10 to get 2 stamps (Winnie's loyalty card). So Winnie was forced to get some facial cotton and a Aids Aid coin pouch. See, a $30 bill turned into a $60 dollar one. Had a hard time at the store finding something to buy. Moment of folly in a way. Could have just left and save myself 40 bucks!

my goofy bro.. skin like leather-thick.....

The young follows suit....

My greatest horror comes true tomorrow..

2005-11-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is my thermodynamics paper. 10 chapters in all and I have only covered 5 chapters. The time is already 10 pm. Not counting any sleeping hours I effectively have 11 hours left to the paper. I am definitely doomed for tomorrow.

I need a miracle.

Last Paper

2005-11-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

With the end of the exams approaching, I'm dreading the release of the results. The best way to deal with it is to go into hiding, hug a pillow and cry, for me at least. Courage in short supply.

Many OTHER things to look after though. Harry Potter is out. Much-needed shopping will be sufficed by the upcoming Christmas sale. Holiday would mean rest, reading books I'm dying to read and finish reading, hanging out with friends, not forgetting, watching television and playing games like there's no tomorrow.

Of course, I mentioned in my previous two or three posts, I "adopted" a cat. The only difference now is I adopted the cat. See, the difference. Haha. IT'S MINE NOW. *evil grin* I seem to have gotten used to calling it "xiao mao". I foresee a problem once it grows up. But nevermind. It shall be called that lah. It will be in my mind a xiao mao forever.

The last paper is Thermodynamics. My most feared subject of all. Catch no ball. Fortunately I have an approximate 4 days to study it.

Anybody has lobang for the new ipod tell me k!! I totally dig it. Haha.

That's all for now. Ciao...

Some recollections

2005-11-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

A song I used to like to sing.. especially during a certain period of my life.
Thought of this song while I was in the shower. Hehe.

Goodbye To You

-Michelle Branch-
The Spirit Room

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star.

Studying makes me B.O.R.E.D.

2005-10-28T12:34:00.000+08:00

Hello Kitty

2005-10-27T17:52:00.000+08:00

Anyone keen on keeping a kitten? Its only about few weeks old... black mostly with a tiny white collar. It looks like a "priest / bishop" of some sort when you imagine the little white collar. Incredibly cute even though its black.. okay okay.. no discrimination and no stereotyping k.. keke.. love to keep it for myself but unless I can convince my dad. But that's like 90% impossible. I'm holding it with me for about a week or so till I can find a good owner for it.

Super duper cute. And obedient.

If anyone can spare a little room for it in the house PLEASE contact me k!

Almost forgot to add, it has already done a check up at the vet, so its clean... =)

Aiyeer... Exams stinks

2005-10-19T00:13:00.000+08:00

Arggh..*tugs hair*... Exams are so stinky when you are so not prepared for it.

Haven't revised much cause I am so hooked on my Da Chang Jing. 10 more episodes to go... 10 more hours to waste. Last year was Naruto... this year is this. Haiz. And until I finish watching it, I can't study anything.

Writing the stupid lab report. Last one already but still so sucky. I'm in a cranky mood!.. haiz..

And all the lecturers are trying to clear the second CA test these two weeks. And I got no motivation to go to school these days. Haiz. So slack.

Nothing much to blog about really. Good luck to everyone for the exams! And anybody lend me some motivation and brains and luck? In short supply!

2005-10-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

Yo folks... I noe I haven been blogging lately... coz I thought no one will read it during this period anyway. But I was wrong. One person, Wenz, has been waiting for me to update, and I feel so bad that I overlooked that.

Sometimes people are so consumed in getting what they want they forget about what others are willing to give to them.

Just a little thought.

Even though I know I should appreciate what was given to me, I just can't bring myself to entirely.

Someone up there is making a monkey out of me.

2005-10-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

Dominant Personality: Understanding

Good Traits: You gravitate towards people,
and are a shoulder to lean on. You give advice
at any given time.

Bad Traits: You aren't close with any one
person. You immerse yourself in other people's
problems and forget your own.

People see you as: Friendly, secretive, and
popular. People envy you, and may try and use
you as a tool

You're most like: Grace. You both have
positive relationships with people. Neither of
you have close friends, but unlike graceful
people, you try to help people out and aren't
as arrogant.

You need more: Solitude. You hardly get the
chance to breathe when you take on the world's
problems. You can't take other's
responsibilities or put them before your own.
Be selfish once in a while and discover who you
really are.

What's your dominant trait? (10 unique results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Tears and Rain

2005-09-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

James Blunt
Back to Bedlam

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Blood Boils

2005-09-28T02:44:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah. I haven't been updating. In fact I barely have anytime for sleep. But being busy gives me loads of satisfaction, knowing that I am making full use of the time in my hands. I only wish I have more time for my school work.

Frustration is on the rise for Jace, Winnie and myself. I know I am being a bitch for picking on other people's shortcomings. But put yourself in our shoes, and you will choose to be the bitch I am being. Its much easier compared to trying to tolerate it. I am not taking the road less travelled. It's not like I didn't try before. Anymore attempts at it will most definitely cost me my life.

The debate is to tell or not to tell. But what is there to tell? Nothing is in material, it was all based on how we felt and very much on the opinion we have on the problem. We will be almost insane if we were to confront the problem. That's why my frustration is amounting. You have so much to say but you have no voice.

Counting down the days to exams. Depressed it made me, along with anyone who is reading this. The good news is, the next holiday is coming too. A matter of perspective.

I want to visit SPCA someday. Went there once during my Girl's Brigade days in primary school. Forgot where it is, but I miss the way I felt when I was there many years ago. I heard stories of how animals were abused when I was there. On the brink of tears, I found myself. I wished I was of more help.

Tuesday Morning Rain is Falling

2005-09-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

Ah.. nice weather to sleep in, especially when your forty winks was only worth 3 hours the previous night.

Damn. Why was the holiday over so soon? I feel like I'm lagging even more after the hols and now I got to stay up later than usual to do my catching up. The hols have been spent on too much slacking and going out. No time for regrets.

Came to school earlier than I should, lesson only starts at 1030 and my ass was already seated on the library chair at 930. Who wont want a free ride? But you gotta pay a price to wake early. 10 mins into my Chem tutorial, Jun Qin popped up out of nowhere. Haha. Talk cock a little and we decide to find a table to study together. (....) And so the library was super cold. Plus it was going to rain soon. But managed to sit quietly and really do my tutorial.

Then we were off to class at 1020. I sat in the tutorial classroom with a couple of other people for about 20 mins.. only to find out there weren't any tutorial for that module. Sianz. I wake up so early for wat man.....sianz.. the day started off pretty bad so far... haiz.. not to mention the fall I had earlier. Happened during the (....) when we went to look for a table to study. Can't help but laugh at myself. Jun Qin kept asking me wats wrong with me.. I can't quite understand wat happened to me too. Chipped my toe nail a little. A little pain. I guess when I fell on the steps I didn't really get up coz I was partly in shock and partly in pain and partly mocking myself. I stood there for a while, not knowing wat to do really, haven had a fall in so many years. The lack of sleep must have caused my poor judgement and slow reaction speed. Lucky Jun Qin helped me pick up my file then I was brought back to my senses.

Today was actually my most productive day, minus the sleeping in the Xie Ze Liang's lecture. Yeah. Impromptu dinner celebration for Jia Quan. Coz today is the most possible day. All the other days either me not free or Jace not free or Winnie not free or Dex not free. Actually today Winnie was supposed to join her bf for dinner and study I think. So sorry to him and to Winnie too. But the other days really seem impossible. After class we went to Fish & Co. at the glasshouse for dinner. We ate like monsters I think. I ordered this drink which the waitress warned me it was very big. So I took to the menu again and wanted to pick something else. Thanks to Jia Quan... he asked me to go for it. Haiz.. dunno wat I was thinking (another case of poor judgement).. I told the waitress I still want that drink. And so it came. It was like a jug. Pengz. At the glass house there was a live "band" (two guys each with a guitar...do u really call that a band?) It was quite nice lah.. but the guy faked too much of an accent. Unnatural. Then it was too loud we cant hear the waitress and she cant hear us either.The table was quiet coz we were all discouraged from talking. Food came and we pigged out. Winnie and I shared the seafood platter for two, which can be shared among three people. Hahaha. Plus that jug I ordered, think I must fast for the rest of the week.

After dinner we went to walk around Park Mall.. as it was raining outside. And Jace joined us later... went to some Pezzia at Pondulam (forgot the name but it was something like tat) but it was just outside Plaza Singapura. Jace haven taken her dinner so we wanted to find a place for her to eat something. Then the three of us just went for some drinks. Went home after that.. Super tired... time to hit the sack...

Raffles Hotel -- Long Bar

2005-09-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

Yea.. its my first time there.. and its a nice place to go minus the noise (was pretty crowded and too many people's talking too loudly). Because its Wen's last few days in Singapore, after our regular shopping and eating, we popped by the place (hearing that her parents are coming to town to pick us up at Raffles Hotel). We talked about the place earlier in the day and since we couldn't catch a midnight show, we decide to go for a drink instead.

Tried the Singpore Sling drink there.. my first time. Hmm.. the place was rather special.. u can eat the peanuts and just throw the peanut shell anywhere.. haha.. the crowd there was very different too.. full of expats (most are too old!).. and business-like people.. haha.. and even though it was Raffles hotel.. it was a pretty laidback bar.. even though I was just in tee shirt and jeans..I didn't really feel out of place.

The last few minutes of there we had to drink up half the glass of the cocktail pretty fast coz her parents are already waiting.. it was bad.. drinking too fast can make ur head go groggy.. haha.. like wat I'm feeling now.. feel like sleeping real badly.. haha.. but the drink was $20.. so anyone who doesn't mind... can ask me to bring u guys there... coz sort of the Singapore Sling originated from that place called the Long Bar.. forgot to mention.. there was a live band there too... pretty nice...

Okay.. my head is really too groggy to continue.. if u realise.. I'm using too many.......'s and I'm not quite coherent.. I'm not a bad drinker.. I just drank too fast.. haha..

.Seven.Days.

2005-09-12T19:09:00.000+08:00

Previously I was counting the 3 days before the term break, now I'm counting down the 7 days before it ends! I realised the break hardly means any rest for me.

Monday is the ONLY day I'm free and I found myself awake at 7:00am. 30minutes later I am sitting in my dad's car to school -- to study in the library. See? How pathetic.

A little mention on the weather especially today. I never thought walking from the south spine to the north was such agony. 3 minutes after I got out of the car, I was perspiring like a pig already! (in a metaphorical sense). The library was my oasis, and I stayed till 1pm. Then I'm off to some shopping and pop home.

Hmm.. nothing to blog about. Never hear much gossips these days. Hmm. Tuesday not free. Wednesday not free. Thursday night not free. Friday Saturday Sunday not free. I'm having a jet-lag on my studies, I never fail to mention in almost every entry of mine. Arghh. No life.

A little note on that Einstein question. Only two participants. How pathetic can the readership of my blog get? I will not put a counter on my blog cause I don't want to remind myself that the counter only move by 2 or 3 a day. (and also there isn't much space left.) Talk to me people! I didn't put a comments board for nothing!

Just spring clean my room (a major one). Threw away so many things and I am so happy about it! Now there's space for new things. Haha. Anyone care for a trip to Ikea?

Super Riddle

2005-09-09T14:44:00.000+08:00

I got this from my little brother who challenged me to solve it. I still haven done so, at the same time I want to challenge all of u who are reading to solve this riddle written by Albert Einstein during the 19th century. If you could solve it, you are in the top 2% of the intelligent people in the world. Haha. There are no tricks, just pure logic. Good Luck!

In a street there are five houses, painted in five different colours.
In each house lives a person of different nationality.
These five houseowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke a different brand of cigar and keeps a different pet.

QUESTION: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

Hints:

The Brit lives in a red house.
The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
The Dane drinks tea.
The Green house is on the left of the White house.
The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
The man living in the center house drinks milk.
The Norwegian lives in the first house.
The man who smokes Blends lives next to the man who keeps cats.
The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
The German smokes Prince.
The Norwegian lives next to the Blue house.
The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.

3.more.days.

2005-09-06T20:31:00.000+08:00

Yeay!! Cleared two tests today! Not because I nailed the both of them, I'm just happy that they are over. The past week has been really good. I'm trying not to brag but I have never received as much presents for my birthdays for the past 19 years. Haha. Perhaps they are a form of consolation for becoming another year older (Thank you people!). Food has been really good too( over the past two weeks I have visited abt 5 restaurants already... NYDC, Coffee Club at Taka, Fiesta, Galilee Friends, Thai express...going coca restaurant on wed with Wen!!).

Fine dining and good company.Perfect combination. Willy just keep making me laugh at Swensens. Everybody present was in this jolly mood. Guess its getting away from school work that had this effect on them. And also, its a celebration for 3 people. Me (4th) willy (5th) and Amos (7th). I realise we are only missing someone with a 6th. Haha. To: Winnie, Karwei and Say wee. Thanks for the time and effort.

I met a taxi driver sometime ago. He was talking to me abt the govt and stuff (and how he hated the govt and the jurisdiction in singapore.) The interesting thing was when he heard that I am going to become some engineer, he said: "...engineers are the people carrying the hammer and knock on things one rite??..." *pengz* I just went errrrr for a long long time.

Finally finished sorting the photos for the foc. A gargantuan task. About 2000 photos to filter.. then abt 1000 to resize. If I did a sucky job, I dun care. People keep asking me when it will be done.. I just feel like strangling them all one by one.. bleh.. its stressful k!... Then after the final copy is done, I have to burn 80 discs for the freshies, 20 for the omc. You must be asking me what my subcomms are for. Seriously I'll just tell you, I dun have time to distribute the job.. to pass this here and there.. and u noe the "diseconomies of scale"?... I rather burn all the discs myself. Communicating with my subcomm seemed like a more troublesome task. No offence to my subcomms... I'm just like that. call me stupid or watever.. I dun care.

My tutorials are stacking up pretty high already. I need the hols and more to catch up. Sobz~! All day long I just feel like sleeping. Haiz. Anybody wants to play badminton or tennis please ask me along k. So bored. Need something to perk me up big time! And I miss the tian ji zhou in Geylang (jolene u tempt me!)

Talked to Azri just now... realised I'm still so lousy with the tech stuff.. haiz.. dunno how to use the smartftp Ben intro-ed me to. And too paisei to ask in a way. Dun laugh at me k. =p

Low Batt

2005-08-31T01:09:00.000+08:00

Yeee... the weather has been so good these days I really feel like lying in bed all day long. But the stinking reality is: I CAN'T.

I have been feeling really really lethargic these days. Can't get out of bed and I can't pay attention in lectures. Weekends are always gone in a jiffy before I can get enough rest, they are always wasted. Argh. The only good news is the one week break that's coming and I can recharge myself, hopefully.

Spent almost the whole day bumming ard at Jurong point on Monday. Coz it was NTU's 50th anniversary celebration, the classes were cut at 1230. Went for a OG lunch. Sadly, not many people turned up. Went to KFC for lunch, then to Mcdonalds, then to Coffee Bean. We ran out of places to go. =( Really sick of JP now... yeeee...

Jewel me and Wen finally met up against all odds. Everyone seemed really busy with this and that and we managed to fix a really last minute meeting (after 5 hrs in JP... >.<). Went to this "Galilee friends" at cineleisure. According to Jewel they offer free flow of soup and had no service charge. Food was pretty okay I think. Not a bad place to eat at. Then after that we went to NYDC just across the road for dessert, and we chatted till pretty late. keke. Yeah after such a long time, we really had loads to share.

Went to town with Wen today again. She had to get present for her friend Xiu Bing, but end up shopping for herself. Haha. Ate at Coffee Club at Taka. Pasta and mudpie. Fatty stuff. Again.. But the pasta there was good.

Die ah.. must go run liao(rite~).. such a lifestyle is unhealthy. Sides, I am already over-nourished. Haha. Looking forward to the one week break!

--- buried under tonnes of tutorials...

Step by step

2005-08-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

Wow.. another weekend expended, and I have yet to complete anything! But I am happy at the fact that I have grown out of being lazy and unmotivated .. at least 60% of it.. hahaha..

I ought to finish off the little bit about the Sakae Skirmish on Union day... *sinister laugh*

The picture is a little blur... but the 7 of us took down approximately 70 plates.. not including the ice cream.. some miso soup.. blah blah... monsters we are, indeed.

Am I bitting off more than I can chew? I dunno. Hmmz. But I'm heading towards my goal.. step by step.

I wanna be an independent woman!.. nah.. thats just an excuse for not having anyone come after me.. keke.. but seriously.. my friends are all busy getting themselves attached.. and some.. with such ease.. sometimes I wonder if they had taken some miracle pill or something.. but single is good too .. you see... no commitments.. responsibilities.. worries.. keke.. and lots of freedom..

Side line: "The supposed masterpiece is out... and it stinks ass... nuff' said."

NoteBook?

2005-08-27T11:43:00.000+08:00

The debate is on... should I get a notebook?... stock check: 1 compaq presario sr1050ap desktop sitting on my computer desk... bro just got a new note book.. hmmz... should i get my own?

I have a little evil plan in my head.. since my elder bro's own lappy is coming.. and (if i get my own).... I am contemplating to sell the desktop... so my little bro got no computer to play any more (online) games!!! and no more hogging!!! (he is so hooked) wow.. great idea.. a very sinister one too.... Muahahahah~~!!

The Weather Is So Chilly

2005-08-23T09:20:00.000+08:00

I'm back after a totally uneventful week. I'm slacking off school work because it got too damn boring. Top on the list of subjects is Thermodynamics. I do not comprehend at all. Argh. And I simply don't feel like being near it. But I guess second year subjects were much better than first. Material Structure and Mechanical Behaviour, Applied Chemistry, Characterization of Materials are interesting. Plus, this year the Maths lecturer is really good. First year sucks. Bleh....

Went for the Jazz and Blues first practice. I wonder why we are always the "problem children".. I mean me.. "problem kid". Apparently me and Winnie missed the audition day and Saturday was the first day we are there. Firstly, I felt so out. Coz I didn't belong to any section. They didn't have a clarinet for me and they wanted me to play the sax. Bleh. I didn't want to. Then I wanted to see if they have any more space in the vocals team. The person-in-charge Rudy promised to audition me. But I waited and waited (coz he seemed really busy). Partly my own fault lah.. I didn't tell them properly that I want to try the vocals thingy before I came down. So I approached the lady who seemed like the in-charge of the vocals team. I told her I wanted to audition for vocal .. then her face simply twisted like a piece of crumpled paper. Stressed out. Hur. Hur. I gave her the nickname Queen Bee 'cause she seemed like it. The type you got to suck up to her, and not challenge her in anyway.. and at all times, let her be the only one in-charge. keke.

So I sort of waited and waited again.. for the busy man Rudy to give Queen Bee some sort of decision where I should go. (Bleeddy just gimme an audition then decide from there!) Finally the vocals team decide to move to another room.. I was asked to follow. I guess I am to be auditioned finally. Adrenaline rush. I didn't prepare any song cause I didn't know. Me stoopid. who goes to an audition without a song?? Less to say prepare a jazz song. Argh.. I can't sing anything. Except the song Amazing Grace kept cramming up my brain space I can't think of any other songs! So I sang the song. The keyboardist who played as I was singing was so "qiang".. I was wow-ed away. Hmm.. then I was asked to try to sing a jazz song. Die die also must sing. keke. So I tried lah. But it sucked. Queen Bee says she has to go discuss with busy man Rudy and she will get back to me whether I can stay in the vocal team.

Waited and waited. Damn. My impatience whispered to me to not join the Jazz and Blues. But I shut it up. I didn't want to wake up early and sing to someone for nothing. Its a challenge really to open my mouth to sing to someone. Some of you should know this very well. keke. And I didn't want to join the vocals team to perform. I only want to learn to sing properly 'cause I overheard Queen Bee saying that there's going to be this singing coach from Hollywood coming down to coach the vocals team. Wow~

Queen Bee came back with busyman Rudy after a long while. This time the AVA team ( I dunno what they are supposed to be called now.. but they were know to me as the AVA people in my sec sch days) was packing up and making a lot of noise moving their barang barang into the same room we were in then. Rudy asked me to sing for him. Damn I sang for nothing to Queen Bee. Now I got to sing again. ( But I think second time I sound better 'cause I sort of warmed up after the first time. )Had to fight with the noise the AVA team was making. But thankfully and unfortunately they stopped and listen as I sang. Nerve-wrecking.

I was able to stay with the vocals team at the end. It was all worth it... and I thank God for it. Keke. I am happy just to be with the team. Phew. But there was a Native American lady in the team. Her name is Bulelua and I think she has style. Cool.. interesting people. Keke. Hope I get to learn stuffs man..

I guess that was the most eventful day of the entire week. And it lasted only roughly two hours. The rest of my week passed in a blur.. watching Southpark.. trying to "re-cock-ca-nize" my lecture notes.. and hopefully attempt some tutorial questions. keke. But it isn't a very hopeful situation. I'm in this drowsy mode.. think its because of the weather. Oh.. Friday was Union Day. Great! Slack day. Me and Winnie and Jacelyn planned to go to Somerset to trim our brows. Too bad Jacelyn couldn't make it cause she has earlier engagements with her mom to go do dunno wat. A big group of us (Me Winnie Jun qin Jean Big Willy Feng Cheng Jia quan.. Say wee and Shiming joined later) went to Sakae at Heeren. It was crazy. We took down a total of 60 over plates of food. Shall show you guys the picture later. And something strange happened.. 8 people went in and we only paid for 6. Keke. I can't believe I actually mastermind-ed this. *slaps self*

Okay I guess that sums up the most part of my week. I still got so much to do! Stressed sia... phew.. God Bless all.... =)

Cursed

2005-08-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

My mood just hit a rock-bottom low. Was desperately trying to read some notes and do some tutorials but I just couldn't. My mind is somewhere else. My morale, shattered.

I am such a chicken I finally comprehend, a word I refused to get acquainted with be it the fact I was lying to myself the whole time. Chicken-hearted. I dared not do anything that will help myself, I simply refused to. Because I was scared. I dunno what I was so afraid. I prayed and I prayed, only to comfort myself. Maybe God finally answered my prayer last night. I got to see him today, only in a situation I feared most.

There are two interpretation of what I have seen: give it up or do something about it. I would love to choose the latter, but what? I have been troubled by this QUESTION for so long. At the same time, I was in this big time denial. I dunno what the hell my brain is for! Only getting me into nothing but silly, hopeless, you-deserved-it, why-didn't-I-do-something-before-this situations. Damn it. Sometimes I really hate myself.

After all these while I found I have nothing. NOTHING. I wasted so much time doing nothing, and at the same time hoping for some miracle to happen. But it won't, not if I don't fight for it myself. And I am certainly not prepping myself at all for a fight. Coz I refused to! I am so angry at myself.

Friends, if you may, don't be nice to me anymore. I don't need the niceness and kind words that you all have been sheltering me with. Scold the f$&#%!* hell out of me. I need a kick in the butt, a punch in the face, a stab in the heart. Help me wake myself up!

X-men

2005-08-14T18:32:00.000+08:00

You scored as Jean Grey. Jean Grey is likely the most powerful X-Man. She loves Cyclops very much but she has a soft spot for Wolverine. She's psychic so she can sense how others are feeling and tries to help them. She also has to control her amazing powers or the malevolent Phoenix entity could take control of her and wreak havok. Powers: Telekinetic, Telepathic

Jean Grey

95%

Wolverine

80%

Colossus

80%

Iceman

80%

Emma Frost

75%

Cyclops

75%

Beast

70%

Gambit

70%

Rogue

70%

Storm

65%

Nightcrawler

55%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Blog URL

2005-08-13T10:10:00.000+08:00

Anyone can tell me how to change the url once and for all, not some redirection.. I want it to be something else. Like how Lee was able to use http://lee.cue.to for her url!! No .blogspot no more~!

Sweat

2005-08-12T19:55:00.000+08:00

Argh. Weather has been pretty bad these days. The temperature is so high that I am hiding myself in nam nam library in between lessons everyday. So do find me there if u happen to drop by. Hur hur.

Been up to nothing lately. Just going through the routine of rushing here and there. Just busted 25 bucks on three taxi rides. Ouch!

Haven't touch the computer for freaking whole 7 days! A new record for myself. Nothing to look forward to online anywayz. So why waste my time when no matter how long I wait, it just isn't happening? And plus I'm so tired these days. School is sucking da life outta me and its only like the third week~!

Entertaining myself with Southpark these days. I wonder why the next Naruto episode isn't out yet... or is it? I'm waiting for 146.

I was with Winnie at Jurong Point the other day. Had lunch at Bento Box (pretty affordable and the food is pretty okay). Then we walked past this tee shirt printing shop. Something caught my eye. It goes like this: " If I want to hear from an asshole, I 'd have farted." And I know exactly who to use it on. (Shhhh!) Haha.

Side track: I almost lost my entire blog thanks to my itchy fingers. I count myself lucky for being able to revive it. Phew~

我想去流浪

2005-08-04T21:52:00.000+08:00

我想去流浪.

Too much work too little fun. I always wanted to go travel. I am sick of monotony. But the only way I can get out of here is to slog my life and hopefully be able to earn the money for me to go do some travelling. Vicious cycle. Boo.

Studying: My newfound hObby

2005-08-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

Yah rite.

I seem out of sorts. This isn't the usual slacker me. But the word [[study]] kept popping up in my head. Seems like everyone is in this rat-race to finish the most tutorials, read the most notes, and try to get ahead of each other no matter wat.

I feel I've been dragged into this dreadful race, and in the past I would simply drop out of it and be the slacker I've been for so many years.

Competing with anybody is a definite no-no because its just so infantile. You only do that in your Primary School.. Just do what you deem is your own best. ( So friends, don't go killing urselves over someone else's results)

Let's just hope in this race, no one gets hurt physically nor mentally..

(off to tutorials and notes reading.. and finally... zZz!!)

Mood: Exhilarated!!.. duM deE dEe dUm!!

Sunday morning rain is not falling.

2005-07-31T20:01:00.000+08:00

Sunday morning. Weather has been pretty erratic these few days. Heavy rain one day and stuffy the other. Woke early to attend service in a very long time. Today's sermon was pretty interesting. The pastor was entertaining in an offensive way. He was using words and anecdotes u wont expect to hear from the usual pastor.. haha. But at least he kept me awake the whole time. I like wicked humor.

Cuixia came to my house today, to be my mannequin! Haha. To demo my half-past-six makeup skills on her face. Wahah! I like making up for people. Maybe I should go take up some make-up course to learn, next time can do part time. Hoho~

I recall a particular character in my school saying my dress sense is bad. (Hmmp! Such audacity!) I mean, seriously, dress up for school? And especially when, according to the character, dressing up means dressing less, just to catch guy's attention. To add to the ridicule, I sort of sensed that the guy view the term "good figure" as big boobs, big boobs, and bigger boobs. I believe thats not what a beautiful woman is about. All women will nod their heads unanimously with me on this one.

Plus the fact that I'm in an engineering school, the need to dress up seems even more insignificant. I believe I dress appropriate enuff for school, am I not? Not need to be tarty at all to catch guy's attention, definitely not a good guy's. More likely girls who dress less are a flashing neon signboard saying "ENTER ===>>" for perverts and all other forms of threats from the male community.

Monday is here again. I'm beyond blue. On my way to becoming purple.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Pilates

2005-07-30T12:15:00.000+08:00

I realised I have so many muscles I haven felt them working for ages. Went to this pilates class with Jolene on Friday. I crashed the class coz her aunt couldn't make it. The class started off with the teacher telling us to lie on the mat and relax. I had no idea what was coming. Really.

It began with some stretching exercises, then working out our lower body.. and the exercises only got more strenous.. many a times I found my limbs trembling. I think I was a little physically challenged too. (The exercises are now pretty blurry.. dun ask me to teach. haha!) But then at the end of the class and this morning, I can really feel my abdomen and butt aching. Maybe a little of my arms too. Haha. But its a good feeling.

Saturday morning. Finally some time to spend at home. I am so sick of town and shopping areas now. Other than the crowd, I found shopping in Singapore pretty bland. Shopping malls are all selling the same stuffs, and the prices are always increasing!... You can hardly find a good piece of clothing that cost less than 20 bucks.

Sidetrack: Where is this going? Am I not doing anything right? Or is it a door that leads to nowhere and yet I'm still knocking on the door, hoping someone will answer me and bring me to the place I want to get to? Is it my folly?

Lonely.Tired.Happy.Focused.

2005-07-28T21:21:00.000+08:00

Another week is about to be over. Lotsa OG outings, less to mention, lotsa cash gone too. Need to spend money wisely --> Buy only whats needed.. and not what I want or feel like buying. =(

Got "lost" in school today in a way. I had to go to LT20 for a lab briefing. I kept thinking its at the South spine don't know why. In the end I had to walk pretty far to get there and I only reach there at 11:20pm. Argh. And to think that the briefing ended at 11:35pm.

Met Jolene at the library, to teach her blogging stuff. We didn't cover much and ended up talking about a lot of things. Realised that as we progress from Year1 to Year4, the people we hang out with will decrease. Sad truth. How come I'm feeling that in my second year already?.. I feel lonely in school. Haiz.. Even more lonely when I attend my PE or GE.

Went to JP for some shopping after she left for her lecture at 2 plus. Nothing to buy. Probably coz I found that I don't need many things other than a few pens and a highlighter.

On my way back to school, a man in his fifties approached me. He asked if I can speak any English (duh?).. then he started telling me that his ez-link card has run out of money and he needed to go for a job interview. Apparently he was just released from the prison (he took out his prison pass to show me). So his wallet was empty, and he needed $5 -$10 from me to top up his card. I was then 80% convinced (of coz not 100%) so I gave him $6 to go 7-11 to top up his card. If u were me.. would u do the same thing?. I recall the other time I gave a 30 yr old $2 on the MRT train. He was going ard asking everyone if we could spare him 2 bucks coz his family has no money. Dun call me gullible. To make a 30yr old go ard begging for money, (considering a man's pride).. it really seems dire. Maybe I give money away too easily, but if I can still afford to spare them some, I would.

I feel so weighed down suddenly. Emotionally. I think crapping has gotten a wee bit tiring at times. Maybe its time to get serious or is it school tats bringing down my mood.. a little irritable at times. Probably getting away from my classmates would make me forget about terms like "1st class, 2nd upper .. blah blah.. " that was why I was so happy to meet Jolene this afternoon, get away from all those terms.

As much as I want to get good grades ( after a disasterous 1st yr, and getting insulted that I'm not intelligent) , I will not talk about plans. I will carry them out instead. Talking wont get you anywhere and it puts people off if u talk too much.

Talking about the ice-skating on Wednesday. I was under the constant threat of being *erhhmpz* (all those who were ard me should noe ). And thankfully those people who were ard me then were ard me. If not I cant imagine what will happen to me. It was pretty fun still even though I am hopeless skating. There were so many people to help me and let me hold on to. And the worst fall of all was when we were skating in a line.. My xiao di, Say wee was pulling on one side so fast that I freaked out and Jiwei slipped (third time that day). I was kneeling on the floor.. but surprisingly no pain.. haha ... (i'm not blaming xiao di even though I almost had an heart attack wahaha!)

BBQ at willy's house after that. Was busy preparing the salad and the marinade in the kitchen. Fun! This time round.. the place and food was so much better.. ooOpz.. feeling hungry now.. haha..

And also to Irene.. dun think so much ...people arent leaving you. Sometimes its just a combination of many reasons and circumstances that things happen. I didn't mean to be a bitch to you. I just felt that I wanted some real "girl time" with you. And also that I can do some much needed shopping in peace. I am in an irritable mood .. if you found me harsh towards you, I am truly sorry.

Second Day of Scho_Ol >.<

2005-07-27T00:34:00.000+08:00

OG outing today. Went for ktv in Chinatown after school. My energy level was pretty low by the time school ended. For the first time, I listened to the lectures.

Everything was pretty draggy (as usual). I'm not complaining. I was just tired. And slowly the sian-ness set in. Think I looked really bored at the ktv. Tried to hide it by focusing all my energy on the bowl of crackers and nuts, bingeing away.

No reason for my behaviour today, or I haven't found any. Perhaps the lack of sleep is the apparent reason.

But then yesterday I was so high.. coz Fan Wei Qi came to my schoOl~! And thanks to Winnie's bf, Yixiang, I got tickets! Too bad we didn't have a camera to take photo of her... And I was frantically trying to catch the posters she was throwing to the audience.. Think my hands too short cant catch. And also the guy in front was too power.. jumped up to snatch it. haha

So tired. Better get some rest. Tmr is another OG outing. Ice skating at JEC. I cant skate!.. Someone help me. Pray that I dun fall too much. Ahaha.

Scho_OL is stArtinG! >.<

2005-07-21T20:45:00.000+08:00

Monday is the day.

I have to try to write in proper English, after I realize how much my language has degenerated due to lack of care, or should I say, utter neglect since my A' levels. Even my punctuation is gone. Eek helped me realise this one afternoon, and I believe it won't be long she ends up the same way.

So I was saying, Monday is the start of a new year, new semester. A new horror basically. First, I got to face the fact that I am in 2nd year already! Miss my days as freshie, and now I have officially expired - mouldy days ahead.

A new level of stress too. Taking so many subjects this semester and I got to worry how to do my minor. I need to get rid of my bad habits in order to survive.

My curse -- sloth.

Somebody help me out. I have in mind someone who can give me the motivation I need. Let's hope things work out fine someday, but its too early to say anything yet for now.

Been reading the Bible lately. I found the more I read the more questions I have.

How come so many churches do things that are so different. Confused.

To end off, I need some retail therapy. Even though I have no lack of clothings, I found I am deprived of shoes and bags and specs and many many more! Pocket is tight!

Quiz~!

2005-07-18T00:50:00.000+08:00

Hmmz.. basically I was bored.. and it seems all my friends have done this quiz already.. time to find out wats mine.. haha...

Your dating personality profile:

Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.
Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile:

Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart.
Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Adventurous
2. Stylish
3. Big-Hearted
4. Religious
5. Funny
6. Athletic
7. Shy
8. Sensual
9. Liberal
10. Romantic

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Religious
2. Funny
3. Shy
4. Big-Hearted
5. Adventurous
6. Stylish
7. Athletic
8. Practical
9. Sensual
10. Conservative

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Hmmp! >.<

2005-07-17T21:17:00.000+08:00

Update:: All is calm... all is bright... but my some of my friends still missing.. hmmz..

~~Msn is lousy lah... Cant seem to add a friend.. and I cant see some people on my list (I have verified with 'em they didn't block me.. I mean could they bear to? hah) !...~~

~~wat happened to my msn??!....~~

Nothing

2005-07-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

I am here again blogging about absolutely nothing.. heard the NKF issue on tv.. hurray! finally some noise is made and hopefully justice is about to be done. I never believed in them ever since my jc days.. and I became anti-NKF when they started to have a show for every different illness! And the celebs looked like fools..

Hmm.. back to my boring nothingness.. other than movies and eating out.. its still movies and eating out.. went sentosa on wed.. got my back burnt.. hmm.. ouch! coz my hands were too short to reach over to my back and apply my spf130 sunblock..! lucky my nose wasn't burnt.. hehe..
but then again.. too bad my aunt came to visit.. couldn't get into the water! and everyone was asking me why i ain't getting into the water!... had to explain 7-8 times to different ppl.. so embarrassing.. haiz... but i feel so wasted.. going to sentosa and i cant even get to swim or play water sports! like they did kayaking and i could only watch from afar......

so boring.. anything interesting for me to do????... i finally spring cleaned my room a bit... hmm.. a little sianz of going out.. coz it means spending money.. which i have been doing since i was born.. wahha... oOpz.. a bit of corn and cheese there.. hmm.. feeling a bit hungry again.. was talking on msn a bit today.. why is everyone asking me the same stuff.. haiz.. i only resent the fact that i have absolutely nothing to fill them in as yet.. Perhaps i am cursed never to get wat i dream of getting. maybe thats why dreams were made to be dreams in the first place.

Depressing it sounds.. but then i feel nothing.. hmm.. but i do think sometimes my words sounds overly emotional than it actually is.. cant help.. dunno why..

the term "guys" .. as much as a guy would understand the term "girls"..most of the time i prefer the term "friends"... so much less intimidating than the former two.. ahah.. i am not kidding .. i just need a buddy to do everything with me.. hah.. yah.. i guess i prefer that so much more.. !!

hmmz... God will decide..

Leaving 99 - Audio Adrenaline

2005-07-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

(A christian song my fren intro-ed to me.. pretty nice.. and I think now I understand the meaning.. that God will leave behind his 99 sheeps to find that ONE that strayed.. )

I'm lost and broken all alone on this road
The wheels keep turning but the feeling is gone
when I fear I'm on my own
But you remind me i am not alone

You say..

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you
(For you alone) I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you

It's dark and lonely and the path is unclear
Can't move my feet because I'm frozen with fear
And you say, my child, my child
i am always here, i'm at your side

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you
(For you alone) I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you

you're never too far down
i promis you'll be found,
i'll reach into the mud,
my repay, ?
persue you to the end,
like a faithful friend,
nothing in this world,
will keep me away,

I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you
(For you alone) I'd leave ninety-nine
Leave them all behind
To find you...
to find you..

Three months

2005-07-12T10:37:00.000+08:00

Wow.. to think that the three months of holiday is soon going to be over.. dun think I ready for another school term yet!

I'm waiting for something to happen... dunno wat.. but everyday I'm just sitting ard.. in front of the computer .. waitin'..

Haiz.. wat Aaron told me makes things look bleak... hmm... sianz...

I've been mean to some people.. hmm.. I shouldn't be.. but I did.. and its too late now..

When my best friend was down.. I wasn't there to help her.. sorry dear.. but hope u are okay now... unhappy is not a gd mood to be in!

Forged new friendships during the camp.. some really great ones.. but I dun wish to lose them.. especially when school begins and everyone gets on with their busy life.. people then to forget each other.. =(

Az .. when can I see ur cats?!

I also realized I kinda like chinese songs now... selective ones.. hmm ..but I still love ROCK more!

I desperately need a hair cut... and also a run.... hmmmx....

.... complicated life.. my brain can't handle or maybe it chose not to... zZz

The Camp is Over

2005-07-10T11:43:00.000+08:00

I'm back.. with so many things to say I dunno where to begin actually.

Most of all, I hated for the camp to end especially on the last day. The week passed rather slowly I feel, with so many things happening in a day. And especially the fifth day... okay okay.. shan't jump right into that day.. begin with the first. hahaha..

First day..

Have to go to sch early in the morning to go settle the banner stuff.. video equipments ... blah blah... Have to get to Hall 15 to pick up the painting materials. Raining.. so I got my dad to send me to sch and then help me ferry the stuff to Hall 7, which was rather faraway. I was supposed to meet David and *erhhmmp* F. But since my dad was driving and the fact that it was raining.. I asked them to meet me at hall 7 with everyone else. But not surprisingly F didn't get my msg even though I sent it at the same time I send to David.

I haven mention on the way to sch.. raining and traffic was terrible. Then a bus bumped into the back of my dad's car. I was in a foul mood and so was my dad. The bumper was dislodged and the backlight had cracked.

But we still made our way to sch after that and went to pick F up. He was in my dad's car and dare he give me shit. He was trying to say how come I nvr do this or that (when the whole time other than talking and talking.. he nvr do much) .. I really want to kick him out of my dad's car...on reaching the place.. he keep saying why this not done ...why that not done as well... argh.. useless fool.. then he proceeded to kb abt why his (actually is MY) subcommers weren't there yet.. come on lor.. rainy weather how to be on time?... He called all of them up and kb them abt why this and that screw up... and went abt making a big fuss abt the sponsor logo not being on the banner (which the sponsors will not even see). I feel so sorry for my people who got to listen to his shitty stuff and some who even have to take a taxi down. Really sorry.....

On the whole.. first day was pretty smooth sailing.. met the freshies at boon lay interchange and me and Jolene was scouting for the good-looking guys.. haha.. but then we were a bit disappointed lor.. coz some sent in really good photos.. but turns out so so only... hahaha... I was disappointed DT was only like tat.. haiz..

I think 1st day was super slack for me .. even though I got things to do.. Jolene and I and CJ just sat around talking and gossiping.. hehe.. our usual routine.. hah.. jolene like a big sister.. CJ like a big brother..

We were waiting at N4 walkway for Alex's game to start.. the freshies were blindfolded.. and made to walk ard the school... Alex's station was the most cruel one.. not to mention.. FUN.. haha... *evil grin*... I think our concoction was fantastic.. haha.. watermelon (leftover by the NBS ppl) + starch+ toilet paper + soap + eggs.. ahhaa.. evil... poor freshies .. I had so much fun pouring the funny stuff on them and smashin' waterbombs.. ahaha.. but my aim a bit lousy lah.. I splashed some onto the seniors! hahah!

Second Day..

Circuit games in the morning.. I was there with my OG.. the group was rather bo chap.. hahah.. walking and strolling.. while we saw ppl from other groups running from station to station.. I guess we were more bent on enjoying ourselves than winning the game. I guess the group was less like Archilles.. (I still luv ARCHILLES!)... but every year of freshmen are different.. like this year's group.. we have to let them play their games the way they deem best... like Junqin said.. "let them shine on their own"... I totally trust his leadership..

hmm.. then came the afternoon activity... SP Pairing.... I knew I was going to be sabo-ed (sabotaged).. and I was there with a dreading attitude.. worst thing is .. I had to be blindfolded like everyone else.. nvm lah.. just play along bah.. let everyone fooling me have fun.. I was forced to sit at the table a long long time.. with programmers and people I dunno talking to me and asking me funny questions.. totally unnerving... and so many times Alex pat me on my head.. ahh!.. I was abused..

Some group of people gathered in front of me lah.. then put my hand on someone else's hand.. hahaha.. i suspect they were playing with me.. so i started poking at the "hand".. and I tot it was a girl's .. hahh.. I think that "hand" even smoother than mine.. oOpz..

Then shortly after came the moment I hate to talk about.. haiz.. utter embarrassment.. so many people ka-chiaoing me... Jun qin was the biggest culprit lor.. aiyoyo.. I watched the video they took of me and my sp.. *sweat*... so you see.. when you are a senior.. the game will get more cruel than for most...

But my blindfold was falling i sort of saw the sleeve of my sp's shirt.. and the colour.. so I sort of had an idea who he was... I didn't want to kill my own surprise... but I did... but then he didn't know who I was.. hmm.. hopefully he doesn't kill himself when he get to know who I am..

Later that day after dinner.. was the SP love letter writing.. cheesy stuff.. but before that Limin told me I dun have SP.. like it was changed to someone else.. er.. maybe the programmers messed up the pairing.. hmm.. so I tot I dun need to write to Bread (his nick.. I was Butter)... so I really didn't write anything..

Until at night.. Winnie passed me the letter from Bread.. then I felt bad and confused.. hmm.. imagine being the only one in the group who didn't get a letter.. quite sad rite.. hmmm...

Third Day..

So on the third day morning.. me and Jolene tried to figure out something to write while the camp ppl were playing pool games.. the people were on the other side while me and her were hiding under the umbrella on the other side.. coz the first letter I got was a poem.. hmm.. dunno what to say really.. coz this the second time I was playing this and I feel a little stale.. haha.. but We were still trying our best .. came up with some funny poem for him.. hehez.. shortly after we finished.. Wei Qi (jolene's fren plus also a programmer) helped me pass the letter to him.. hehz.. at least I dun feel so bad le...

Later that day were telematches.. then the second letter writing.. hmm.. this time I was on time.. when I got his letter.. it was a crane.. hehe.. nice effort there.. and he said more things.. and he seemed to know I'm a senior.. hope there wasn't much disappointment there..
coz senior = mouldy

so stressed at night.. had to distribute the tees for next day's amazing race.. so cocked-up.. and no one to help me.. Jo and CJ and myself tried to sort the tees the night before.. but then the stacks got messed up.. and I had to arrange them again.. haiz.. so pathetic.. haiz.. Then the group numbers and tees kept changing.. everytime I asked for the sizes the numbers changed... argh.. bad night.. me still distributing the tees when the omcs were practicing some song item.. and F was not helping matters.. came over and tried to tell me stuff I couldn't be bothered with.. bad timing. My face was black as tar that night..

Fourth Day..

Amazing race day. I went home on the third night so for this day I had to get to sch early next morning.. hardly slpt much the 3 nights before.. cranky mood.. followed the OG ard and running all over the place. Age is catching up so I was always at the back.. sobz.. the amazing race had this food chain thingy incorporated into it. Like the taiwanese show Shi Zi Lu Kou. So towards the end we had to go find this pumpkin bread thingy. Argh.. me and Jun Yen searched through the whole of Bukit batok area looking for it. to no avail in the end. We wonder if that thing even exists. So in the end all the OGs asked a baker to make pumpkin bread for them. sounded like cheating.

Went to Lot 1 after the race and people were having their dinner. and they went to play pool after that. I had to go meet yuan seah and CJ for dinner at gombak. hahaha.. I think we were really greedy we ordered this fishhead soup thingy plus one chicken plus butter prawns.. hahaha! but it was really cheap .. only $38.. ate like siao.. haha... then we were off to cdans adventure camp. It was campfire that night.. pretty fun.. but then this time i didn't really feel the warmth I ought to feel at campfires.. haiz...jolene also felt that way.. I guess it was the politics and some people who killed all our mood.. And also Alez, the CGL of Aero keep hinting me who was my SP and telling me how good he is.. haha.. always teasing me ah.. these ppl..

In the night.. in the OMC chalet.. we played tai di after we returned from some shopping (drove the lorry out for supper.. to my house.. to hall 15 then to the market opp. City harvest). I dunno why I kept losing.. no luck.. haiz.. me being the youngest there.. must be not qiang enuff for the old birds.. then I cannot bathe lor! argh... eew.. stinky stinky.. but at last in ard 430am I finally got to bathe.. hahaha

Fifth Day..

Woke up at 10plus.. immediately we got to pack up and check out of the chalet. I was still in a groggy mood.. and almost washed my contact lens down the sink.. phew.. lucky Jun Yen help me pick it up.. went to find the OGs to see them play the obstacle course. And when I walk pass Aero group.. Alez hint hint to me again.. aiyo.. haha.. in a very obvious way.. hmm.. I noe he meant well. haha..

Went home again before the SP revelation.. haiz.. the final reveal.. bathe and changed.. dunno wat to wear.. haiz.. need shopping I thought.. but no time lah.. haiz.. chop chop leave my house already.. no time!

This year the SP thingy was a little different from the last.. think last year was less cheesy.. we were in this garden in sentosa and we were to find our SP in there. This year we were divided into different groups.. then brought to different chalets.. then the guys were also divided into groups.. and then they were to recite or sing something to us.. (i finally knew why there was a poem).. but i was feeling a bit paisei.. coz the group I was in had so many mei nus.. evelin, jiapei wanni.. and so on.. really afraid to see the look of disappointment..

(argh... I lost part of my post coz the window closed on its own~! Luckily I saved a draft.. imagine writing it all over again.. *pengz*The later part was re-written.. bleh.. lousy computer!)

So I was talking abt the trip to Raffles Country Club.. down at tuas.. hmm. the view there was great.. there was a lake there and all the SP pairs took photos there.. nice..

Dinner was buffet style.. hmm.. feel bad coz he didn't get to eat much.. because we didn't take much.. and think he was waiting for me to go get more food together but we didn't.. oOpz.. er..dunno lah.. I just felt so bad.. I was super pai sei in the first place.. (I am an extremely shy person.. and I bet no one believes this) Hmm.. he was so well-mannered I felt like an elephant there and then.. kept dropping stuff and he had to pick them up.. I'm such a klutz...............

Had to excuse myself from the table to find Jolene and CJ... and also found JunQin and other guy seniors.. hmmm.. need to release all the er.. anxiety?.. hmm.. aiyoyo .. feel bad again.. coz I left him alone at the table.. oOpz..

Went onto the stage to play this red flag white flag game.. many times during the game I almost fell... Cant balance myself on even the tiniest heels.. lucky got Bread to hold on to.. after that got the banana game.. SO PAISEI... Jolene and CJ laugh at me again... hhmp..

And then towards the end.. we exchanged the presents.. oh no.. I feel bad again.. coz I only got him chocolates and he got me a bear and more chocolates..

After dinner was the bash.. at madam wong's .. small place but good mood there.. got back to sch and then went for supper.. slpt at 4 plus again.. zZz...

Last Day..

Refused to leave my bed.. aww... need more zZz.. reached hall 3 field at 1130.. the game almost just started.. my eyes keep drifting to somewhere I wont tell.. whhahaa.. shhhhhhh!

Hate for the camp to end so soon.. coz the next time it happens again will be a year away.. haiz.. Always get this feeling on the last day of anything... hmmm.. feel like I lost something again....

went to marche at heeren for dinner.. more like eating supper by the time we got in.. but seniors ordered many stuff to share.. so it was pretty okay.. still its the last choice for food for me.. haha..

Heard wat Junqin told me on the bus.. life is so complicated.. hmm.. take care bro~...

Evelin Rene Lingxin David Fengcheng Aaron and Zhao Hong .. Thanks for working so hard!

A little update..

2005-06-30T23:04:00.000+08:00

1..2..3..4..5..6..7...8...9 days

Finally got to come update my blog. The last few days was a routine of work + sch stuff then go to bed... then wake up early in the morn to catch a bus to the faraway land of pasir panjang...

But thankfully thats all over now.. no more work.. meaningless data entry and listening to instructions and nodding my head non stop and typing away at the keyboard.. haiz.. boring. Not to mention it made me feel like I was really dumb.

Never ever going to take up another admin job.. sick and tired of it.. underpaid and overworked. Especially the underpaid part. I need something more challenging. Dun mind more stressful .. just no more monotony!

I need MEANING in the things I do. Argh... I think doing stuff for the orientation is more fun.. coz more often I am like my own boss. I make some of my own decisions and not just listen to instructions!

Hopefully now its all over.. and I only have to look forward to the camp and meeting new people. HAhah..

I had to go meet CJ to settle some mailer stuff at JP on Thurs... at first I only thought he is is crappy friendly nice guy.. but after that night.. I think he has planned so many things for his future and his girlfriend. I was pretty in awe. Haven met such a level-headed and also knowledgeable guy in NTU before him, other than those who tries to act level-headed that's all. Kudos to him!...

Haiz.. so sian... been eating a lot and sleeping a lot these days... piggy life.. but it feels gd.. hehehe..

And my dear friend Yik has finally reappeared.. I seriously thought something happened to you.. bleh.. so naughty...

God blessed the broken road

2005-06-28T01:22:00.000+08:00

God Blessed the Broken Road...

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

Phone

2005-06-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

I find myself lusting after a phone.

Talking to Az just made it worse.

My "lust" has just gone into an overdrive.

And my pocket shall see "light", through a burnt hole that is, and a huge one too.

A beauty isn't it.

mp3 + digicam (though compromised performance) + phone.

good enuff eh?

Too good already in fact.

Haiz... poor pocket.

Sleepover

2005-06-17T22:11:00.000+08:00

I didn't know I could accomplish so many things in that few hours. After work I had to go meet this tee shirt lady whose going to print the camp tee for us.

After work was already 6pm. Have to rush to JE from Pasir Panjang to meet the Biz mag, Ivan to get the tee design at 7pm.

Met lady at 730 at IMM Macdonalds.
Reached home at 9.

Saw 3 missed calls from Irene. Called back. Asked me to go her house and stay over since her whole family was out at a chalet.

Left house at 930pm.

Arrive at her place at 1030.

Then came....

small pooh....

Then big pooh.....

crushed by us...

heheh...

My Darlings..

2005-06-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

Clearing the pics in my phone.. so i shall just post them here. They are so super cute rite.. hehe.. my darlings..

Back to work

2005-06-15T00:30:00.000+08:00

Hmmz... nuthing much happened these couple of days except fufiling duties. Haiz.

Trying hard to paint my nails nicely. But after 3 -4 times still cannot make it. Need seek professional help!

Tmr I'll be going back to work. Feels rather weird. Think I forgot most of the things I was taught and need to be taught again. And the early hours...

Oh.. somewhat I feel like re-assessing some of the relationships I have now. Some what I feel hurt. But it wasn't as bad as when it happened for the first time. I anticipated it in a way. I would say I have no hidden agenda watever so. I was just sharing about things I am puzzled with, thinking if you could give me an answer. Daggers flying all around me.

Life is no popularity contest. Don't make urself miserable.

Back from that 3 days camp. Think I got darker despite the spf 130 sunblock I used. Very tiring but extremely fun... hate for it to end especially from the second day onwards. Really looking forward to the camp in July... with the freshmen of 2005 ... torture time... *evil grin*

Imperfections hard to see from the outside looking in.

Still have this garang guni canvassing thingy this sun to get money for the camp.. you noe.. more petty cash to buy things if anything.. not that we are short of money.. hehe..

Watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith the other day right before the camp with Arif. Wasn't as bad as the ratings seemed. It is a story about the male-female domestic tensions and fights blown out of proportions. The use of all those firearms and kungfu made the show rather hilarious. Imagine if I could do that to my other half someday. Hoho~ that will be interesting...

Someone watch Downfall with me leh.. Not many people interested in such history films these days. I feel such films deserves more credit than those mainstream Hollywood films.

Crash and burn.

Hehe. Sometimes I feel I need to start a private blog. So I can really say what I wanna say and no one will read it but myself..but then again that defeats the purpose of blogging eh? Hmmmz... I just can't go around saying things without a care. I'll be trying to put a price on my own head.

Need more sleep even though I just woke from a 5hr nap.

Tataz.

Camp

2005-06-11T06:03:00.000+08:00

Ahh.. Hi guys.. its 6 am in the morn and I am still wide awake as usual.. hehe.. at my sch camp.. a minor one.. mainly to test out the programs for the actual camp itself.. damn shagged.. debriefing was until 2 am and damn... I didn't noe I had to go for it until my partner called me. I was happily chatting away and eagerly waiting for supper...Phew.. sianz.. Then we went out for supper on a lorry .. hoho~... extremely hungry by then (4 am).Reckoned we didn't have to slp when we go back to sch and that supper was actually breakfast.

Die.. I think later during the telematches I will be like a walking corpse. But there are pool activities in the noon.. maybe that will keep me awake. hehe. I like swimming.. plus now I have frens to get into the water with me. hehe. Either that or I will be floating on the water like a dead fish.

Well, first day of the camp was so-so only.. basically because the programmers were acting rather stuckup and in an authoritative manner. Dunno why they want to behave this way with the seniors.. but with the people around it was still pretty fun.

Got to gather later at 730 to have breakfast.. phew.. cant imagine the rest of the day with the state I'm in... thinking of azri in aus now ... wow.. i wonder when i'll get to go there.. wow.. envious..

Hmm.. camp.. not surprising I will see that person around.. I admit I am rather mean doing wat I did.. Not talking and stuff.. and open and blatantly professing my hatred to the whole world. Aaron said to me.. sometimes distance its a good thing.. keeps u away from certain conflicts.. ya.. it true.. to a certain extent.. so maybe I need time and distance to make me not hate. Wow... I am vague.. not.

Just hope all these shitty things will be over and also for everybody else.. prayers man.

Benny Goodyman

2005-06-09T02:13:00.000+08:00

Yeah!!! Finally got the music thingy working. A bit of intro as to the title and stuff.

"Seven come eleven" is a piece performed by Mr. Benny Goodman on the clarinet of coz (my idol!!) and fellow bandmates, Lionel Hampton(vibraphone), Mel Powell (piano), George Duviver (brass) and finally Bobby Donaldson(drums). Recorded in NYC on December 14, 1955.

Its a jolly tune. The intro starts off in a way like it crawls in onto you. The feeling like you were walking along the street and you suddenly start hearing someone playing some music. As you try to determine where that music is coming from, you get closer and starts to hear the different instuments in the ensemble.

Of coz there are other great pieces like Down South Camp Meetin', Sing,Sing,Sing, Don't be that way etc etc. Go listen to them too.

Thanks to my dear friend Irene who gave me this cd.. even though I had another one prior to that, but this piece wasn't in there.

The cd title is "The Benny Goodman Story", produced by The Blue Note Collection.

So just sit back and enjoy!

Hate

2005-06-08T04:20:00.000+08:00

Arrrggh...

I can't get my music files to play!

Having dreams that I dun like at all. I just hope they wont be in anyway close to reality.

Found that I have so many reasons to not hate someone openly. Unlike in the past I could "hate them freely". No obligations, responsibility, shame, reason.... blah....

And most tragically, I cannot let it be known to that person.. due to the multitude of reasons... is this what acting adult is? I am not. I rather be a kid and hate the things I hate.

This is my childish blog so am I entitled to say?....

I REALLY HATE YOU!! YOU DISGUST ME!!BIG TIME!!!!

Because of my miserable social life in my faculty. Not much of a choice have I?

I think one day I might just go up to that person and scream that dumb head off.

Yeah! Finally I can go see Tiara and Yoda~! Ahaahah.. the only consolation for my boring and sick week. Sick: when you have seen something disgusting too many a times!

Just watched Star Wars yesterday. Found that the plot was really dumb. That dummy Anakin. I wanted to strangle him so many times throughout the show!..

"..puny brain he has.."

and the black helm was so cuu koo~ .. hehe... the ultimate corn + cheese moment when they put on that helm. wahah..

Watched Monster-In-Law too.. a few days back.. the humor was there but J.Lo cant do her act cute stuff.. Somehow the wit just died when her face pops onto the screen. And the cutie doctor was so cute. Why did they pair that o-ba-san with him?? bleh...

Waiting for Initial-D to come out.. and also War of the Worlds!

And and... I am enjoying this tin of Chocolate milkshake (u mix the powder with cold milk and ...tadah!!) with really cute pics of mOo moO cows! my "Mommy" bought for me! Delicious! But sorry guys.. u cant get it in Singapore.. hehe..

Cats and Tanjong Pagar

2005-06-02T04:22:00.000+08:00

Hello hello. Dun worry you are at the right place.

Call me bored.

I am doing nothing at home these days. But I haven done loads of things yet. Like do something about the FOC thingy, upload photos, write notes for my dad for his exams, and the list goes on.

I think people who lives or works in Tanjong Pagar area have no love for cats. Me and Lee was walking to Tanjong Pagar station one night ard 11pm and we spotted two strays right before we entered the station. Well the two of us got so excited over them that we decided to find the nearest 7-11 to get some food for them. The nearest one was about 150 metres away. Sadly, we couldn't find anything edible for the cats, so we had to settle for some hotdogs. I haven mentioned what we saw on the way there. In the area we spotted another 5 - 6 strays. One had the tip of its tail torn off. You could see the bone still there but no skin and flesh except some red remains. They were really really afraid of us at first. Probably because there were not welcomed by the people in that area. Then 10 minutes later another 5 appeared, including two kittens. One was lying on the road lifeless. The both of us almost cried. We didn't even dare to look at it from across the road.

We fed those hungry cats and when we were almost done, we looked across the street again, now without the initial shock we had.

Once I saw a dead cat near where I work in Pasir Panjang. That time, I thought to myself if I would have the courage to touch it or bury or dispose of the body rather than let it rot by the roadside. Because that time I didn't do it, the next time I see the same thing I will want to do that.

And yupz.. the "next time" came. It took me a while to decide I wanted to do it. And I saw that of the 10 cats that were in the area, one or two kept going to the body sniffing it, while the rest were looking on from a distance. I thought it would be good to move it somewhere else than in the middle of the road. In case the other cats get hit too. Went to get some newspapers from 7-11 because I didn't quite dare to touch the body directly. I wasn't that prepared yet.

I found that the body wasn't stiff and the blood that it has splattered out of its mouth weren't that dry yet. I figured it got hit not long ago. And I noticed the cat was missing a limb, Lee suggest it got hit coz it couldn't get away fast enough. Guessed it must have been injured before. Lee couldn't bear to see me move it. And all the cats were looking at me from across the street. My hands were shaking a little. I moved it to the pavement by the bushes and half-covered it with the remaining newspapers. Didn't know where was the best place to place it. Hopefully the cleaner in that area dispose of it properly when day breaks.

Animal Planet had this message on tv, "...We are the only ones with the power to protect all other living creatures on this planet..."

this is only part of it. But already this means so much.

I guess this was a once in a lifetime experience for me. I don't think I will ever forget it.

Reminder to everyone out there... please be kind to all animals. Animal lover or not.

Idiot Alert

2005-05-28T03:10:00.000+08:00

Heyhey people. If ard the 24th May someone with my msn nick came to you and ask u weird questions abt arthur ngoh, kangdi or "if i am pretty a not".. blah blah..

Please dun be disgusted with me. Simply because that is NOT me.

Obviously that person has too much time on his hands. I really wanna curse but I cant.. argh.. Thanks to Xinrong for discovering this heinous act of that person together with me. I hope she is the only victim, other than myself. Imagine the mess I have to clean up if more ppl were involved.

So if "I" was talking in a really weird and un-me manner. Kindly slaughter "me" for me.

You are performing a kind deed.

Lousy lousy

2005-05-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

I am sick!My nose is running and my throat is feeling sore. I think a cold is coming. Sianz. bad things seems to be coming at me all at once eh? I don't get to see the people I long to see.

My mom is in this peevish mood. Every word out of her mouth seem like needles coming at me. No, I mean daggers. Thats like the last thing I need now, but she don't seem to understand. She just wants to be this authority towering over me not allowing me to feel any emotions. Well, she once said I have no right to get mad at her for any matter. I am only human. As much as I try to hold back all my frustration, there's still a limit to what I am able to do.

Saw a friend's nick saying he's kong xu. 空虚. Emptiness. Its been there a month over. I guess I just didn't realise. But I am feeling it too. Perhaps for the past 2-3 years I didn't know it was there. I mean, nothing was there. I had no faith in anything. Thankfully I have an old old friend who guided me back. If not I wouldn't have know what I missed in my life for so long. But I am still at the trying part.

And during these few days, I had nothing to do at all. So I did a bit of reflecting. Found a few answers. Part of the reason why I have stopped trying and giving my best in life was because I probably did so before. But I ended up with nothing in the end. It shocked me too that in this short 20 years of my life I am already feeling old. Like I have no more energy to try to achieve anything else. Like I said, I probably did try and ended up with nothing. Those events practically sucked all energy out of me. Now every time when I try to focus on something, subconsciously something pulls me back. And I have no energy to fight it. I would feel like giving it up and running away from it. Because subconsciously I will tell myself that no matter how hard I try the end result will be the same. There was this one thing that I did my best to hold on to. And I put in so much to find that I wasn't appreciated at all. That I was lied to. And that I was always second to something else. Or perhaps just a substitute.

That probably made me who I am today. To doubt almost everything and everyone. I became a lost sheep and I was just floating along. I know this may sound super sad but I am saying it with a really peaceful dispostion. Not depressed at all or anything of that sort. Just peaceful I guess. Scares me a little to realize so many things too. Perhaps I should have talked about it to my friends more. I put on this brave front telling them all that happened that time was not a big deal, and only till this day did I realise it wasn't that small peanut I made it up to be. I was a good actress I guess. Coz no one really suspected anything thats wrong with me then. And to sum up some statistic, such shitty thingy happened to me twice in my life time. I guess I'm not that strong. I may have gotten over it but u see.. the scar remains.

Feels much better letting things out finally. I guess my prayers were answered. And perhaps I should heed Lee's advice to join her youth group thingy. Maybe fresh faces will help. Probably tats what I am going to do now.

Oh ya. I know I haven update anything on my Taipei trip. Soon soon. Once I get out of my lazy self. Coz there are really tonnes of photos to upload and things to tell you guys. Hehe. And shengyuan, once its done up, hopefully it will be of some help to you.

Ah.. most of my worries are gone. Irene finally found some employment. I have time to 跷脚 (reads: shake leg). Lee is still alive and I have lesser and lesser hamsters (another two given to Wayne). Hehez. Oh and Jon was acting kinda weird the other day. He took my msn nick and put it as his own and said he is helping me "promote my blog".. I offered him to join my fan club. haha. Like I have any to begin. Crappy. And I talked to his mom for a while. At first I didn't buy it. I was cautious though. Hehe. Luckily I didn't speak a lot of crap. Coz it turns out to be really his mom I think. Hehz.

Halfway thru chatting with my friends.. my assy (elder) brother did his usual thing. He said he need to use for 15 mins but he actually used for a bleedy 35 mins. I dun like him much. Bleh!

Bringing two friends to service this coming Sunday. Hopefully both of them can make it. Hehe. Both from AJC. Haha. Its time they meet each other. Hehe. I am not trying to imply anything k..

I guess thats all for now. Losing my voice. Can't eat spicy stuff! Argh...

While unpacking I did this..

2005-05-22T16:22:00.000+08:00

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer
You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Your Linguistic Profile:

40% Yankee

30% General American English

20% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Depression sets in....

2005-05-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

I just stepped into my house not long ago after a 4 hr long flight. Itchy hands lahz, went online to check my results. Now all my mood .. gone. WTF. How can anyone da bao two subjects in one semester? And I don't think I will ever be able to clear my GEs. Great. I wanted a clean record the very least.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME MODERATION HASN'T BEEN DONE YET??

I really think I need such a miracle to happen. Someone please. Even if you are lying to me. Perhaps it can buy me some peace for the next few days.

I must really drop the habit of skipping classes and not doing any tutorials at all. Kick my slacker ways out of my life. I have been livin' dangerously for far too long. Time to let it go and be some nerd, mugger watever you call it. This feeling of looking at sucky results feels like shit. I really wonder how it will feel to see straight As and Bs. I haven felt that way for 1..2..3..4..5 years.

Time to walk on the safe side. Yes, its high time I do so.

Flying

2005-05-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

Byebye guys.. see ya guys in 5 days time.. flying off at 11 plus in the morning i think.. hehe.. hope the plane doesn't crash.. i'm pretty worried bout this part.. touchwood.. touchwood.. touchwood.. touchwood.. i'm really worried.. seriously.. all the horror stories on tv.. especially on discovery channel.. regret!.. been watching too much of those things.. gosh.. the more i talk about it.. the more freaked i get!!.. alamak! maybe i have Pteromerhanophobia- fear of flying. my oh my.. pray that i have a safe journey!!! See ya!!

Some enlightenment

2005-05-15T16:40:00.000+08:00

Woke up early today to go to church (hehe) in a long while. Wanted to take bus down. So tried to get out of my house a little earlier. Saw the bus 302 at the bus-stop and I decided to make a dash for it. I rarely do that kind of thing. Lucky the bus driver waited for me, I boarded the bus only to realize I didn't have my wallet with me!

Had to get off the next stop and walk back to my house. So I end up short of time again. I guess its "destined" I gotta take a cab down.. again..

But thats not the point of me blogging today. Recently heard about a friend being attacked on her blog. The issue: A faithful servant of God ain't suppose to go clubbing. I was in a fix when she asked me to help her rebuke that anonymous person. Coz firstly I wasn't sure if clubbing was an acceptable thing to do for a christian. Well, part of me feels its not. Thats why I dun club that much. Back to the point. I am not supporting the anonymous although I may not totally agree with my friend's actions. But clubbing is not an entirely evil thing. Talked to Cuixia today a little regarding this. She told me its not an acceptable thingy to be doing. I guess if clubbing was to hang out with friends, its definitely not an evil thing. But to some the definition of clubbing may incorporate something more. I need not mention much. Use your imagination.

Most importantly its where you draw your own line. Drinking wise.. I am really not sure.. coz if I say its evil.. then I 've sinned too. But if clubbing was the avenue for guys to pick up girls for whatever activity afterwards .. its definitely an evil thing. But I guess my friends wont go to that extent. And definitely not so for my dear friend who got attacked. This I definitely have to defend her. Simply because she is the kind who just does the hanging-out.. nothing more. I trust her on that.

My sermon today was about turning to the dark side. Basically its about worshipping other idols.. that could be in many forms.. money, power etc.. etc.. I am not trying to preach christianity here.. I think it applies to all religious teachings.. Whatever your religion is.. its good to keep in mind the teachings that you should learn and the Word that you should keep. And always walk where light shines. Hehez..

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. " --- Jim Elliot

Class Gathering part II Photos!!

2005-05-08T18:05:00.000+08:00

Its a pity we only took so few.. but there's still a next time! and a next.. and a next~

Monitress and treasurer reunite!

The four remaining beauties of 4e2.. wahaha

The hunkies of 4e2.. watever thats left.. hehehz..

After the 4 hours of non-stop singing session... woohoo~

Still taking our own sweet time.. the waiter already
waiting at the door wanting to chase us out!

Class Gathering

2005-05-08T05:23:00.000+08:00

Phew just came back from my 4e2 class gathering. The time is 5.28 am now. Its kinda crazy. I am still not sleeping.. (Sheng Yuan and Edmund also still online)

Never tot we would stay out so late. But it was really fun! And certainly not as bad as I tot earlier.

I was really thinking too much. It was really about hanging out and catching up and having fun... Or maybe they nvr took notice of my fat problem. wahahaha..Or they dun tell to say anything about it perhaps. ahhh.... but thats not important now. I was worrying too much. hehez... phew~

(actually thanks to edmund lahz. coz he took all the "limelight" for the fat issue. Man.. he is damn fat now. heheh. A sign of good life in the army. A pig's life.)

We went marche to have our dinner. Still, I think its a sucky place for food. But cant help lah. Its really hard finding a place to fit 18 of us in without hogging the entire place.

The topic over dinner was full of shocks and stunners. I guess my jaws dropped 8 to 9 times in that hour.

First up, ziyin and wei kong joined the 绝对 Superstar (reads: jue dui, which means ultimate?) singing competition by Channel U. Gosh. Shocking eh?... at least for me. Never in my whole entire life would it ever occur to me that they actually sing... goodness gracious me..

Not tat I want to rub salt over their already rotting-with-maggots-crawling-all-over wound, (hehe).. wei kong got axed at the very first audition. Ziyin made it to the second audition, but didn't hang around long too. I heard he got "ding ding ding!" by the judges when he only sang till the third line of his song. k lahz.. i just hope they get over it soon.. esp ziyin.. its not that a big deal mahz.. and dun blame us for not going there to support you.. spare u the embarrassment of getting kicked out in front of so many people.

The other one is seeing how slim Kong Di has gotten. Wah.. inspires me to want to do the same .. he changed a whole 360degrees. (Edmund.. hear this k.. look at kong di ah.. u should be pai sei already...) Maybe I shall post his before and after photo. But dun wan lah... a bit bad right.. wats in the past should remain in the past.. wahaha

Hehez.. and I think this one is super funny. An liat.. the forever-so-beng Beng in our class. haha.. he never changed a bit. Super beng now. He brought his gf along for dinner. She sat right next to him.. like in those triad movies with a woman and a whole table of 小弟s ...damn he look like those 大哥 (reads: big brother) of some triad lor. 黑帮老大.. damn scary lor. hehehz.. and after dinner we were deciding where to head to... then i asked Sheng Yuan casually wat An liat has been up to lately.. hehe.. in my head this picture of him selling handphones in an ah-beng handphone shop already surfaced in my head. Hehe.. and bingo lor. He really is a handphone seller( but studying at the same time lahz). Couldn't stop laughing. Oh ya.. forgot to add.. he got fat too. heheh.. not that he was fit in the past lahz.. (oOpz i am really inviting trouble over here..)

Karaoke was at Partyworld at Orchard. hahah.. damn funny.. we went down and the whole place looked like some 夜总会 (reads: nightclub) The deco and furnishing.. haha.. and Yong Kwang keep wanting to call for 舞小姐 (reads: hostess) Damn cheekopek .. But the room was really big and the tv too. Like the one at my house. Kaixin was the no. 1 singer among the girls lor... i think she sang like a thousand songs.. hehez.. must be frequent ktv a lot ah.. so familiar with all the songs.. I think all the girls can sing.. especially Alicia. I think she has a good voice.

Actually at the ktv, its like 高手如云. Stunner leh.. everyone sang so pro. Haha.. maybe except Yong Kwang.. ahahah... still dare to say he wants to cut an album. wahahaha... oh another 不要脸 one is Edmund Tong. Ma cham his concert like tat. Sing non-stop.. till everyone sian like siao. and he talk like non stop also lor. We went Swensons' after the singing for ice cream. And so sad.. Me and Xinrong and Alicia had to endure his non-stop talking n crapping. Really is non-stop! Xinrong almost went mad and i resorted to stoning. I think if talking can slim someone down.. Edmund will have no weight problem.. oOpz..

Here's the list of ppl who came:

ME
Shengyuan
Xinrong
Yong Kwang
Kong di
Edmund
Jonathan
Kai Xin (n bf)
Alicia
Lucy
Guan Bing
Kang xiang
Ziyin
Weikong
Alan
An Liat (n gf)
Kian Teck
Yong Chang
Joel
Yu Hong

The M.I.A. ones:

Chendur
Lukman
Jason Hau
Xian Yao(mia since a million yrs ago)
Sheng Wei
Ben Koh
Jayren
Jayson
CaiPing
Jingmin
Huiching
Zhi wei
Jin Gui
Zi jia
Sarah
Jessica
wee kiat
Alfred
Minghan(mia since a million yrs ago)
Dalton

(Disclaimer: We r not racists...wahahah)

But there were two factions at the end of dinner. There always have been this divide ever since the days of 3e2. I would say my wing were the guai kiaz...好孩子们. The other .. hehe.. the more beng ones. So the bengs went for pool and drinking after that... the guai ones for karaoke and then ice cream.. so healthy right.. hehee...

I think I really laughed non-stop tat night. Thanks to Edmund Tong and Jonathan's singing. hoho~... cant help I dunno why i laugh at the latter.. and ah... Shengyuan! Dun go refresh ppl's memory about Arthur Ngoh k.. if not I will be very busy have to go silence the ppl who knows about it. waahha..

Cant wait for the next gathering... really hate for it to end. but i was damn tired and i think stinky being out the whole day and the weather damn hot.. One of my fun-est days since sec 4 days!.. I think these are the grreatest people to hang around. cheeros people.. u guys rox!....

What's up yo?

2005-05-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

Perhaps I angered him. But I dun usually feel sorry for wat I have done.. in most things.

For this one, definitely not.

I wont apologize either. Coz I dun think I said anything wrong.

He always asks for movie treats or food treats whenever he does a favour for me. I say he is calculative always asking for something in return. (and I explained tats the reason why his bank acount is an only-in-no-out one)

There's this part he gave me a mechanical pencil n bar of chocolate. Not tat I am not thankful when I get things from ppl, somehow I just feel that this pencil and chocolate thingy is redundant.

Coz there's no special occasion for anything. And with that u cant make me feel i'm indebted to u. I rather not take any of ur things for u to say tat u gave me this and that in the end.

I did not ask for them in the first place.

He said there's a purpose behind giving treats and stuff.. I dun see wat. Someone enlighten me. What's the purpose in u treating me and me treating u?

U think like children play masak-masak ah?

wats up?

(I want to add, friends, there's nuthing between me and him. He definitely is not interested in me, neither am I in him)

He said he is not greedy for money. I didnt say that abt him. I only said he is calculative. Does that imply greed for money?? I dun think so, as far as I know.

Yah he is misunderstood like he said. I dun get wats going on. What's he thinking?

Dear friend, if u may, please, enlighten me..

So stressed!

2005-05-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

Its not that I really like to talk about my job.. but its bothering me enuff to make me do so.

Just the other day my long-time colleague told me that I will be helping Cindy (our finance manager) from Monday onwards. Only one word popped in my head. S***.

The best I noe of Cindy so far is that whenever she comes out of her office, she is either giving someone some dressing-down or that she is not, but still sound like she is. Even when she is telling some joke she sounds like that.

That really makes my knees go wobbly. But this is only based on what little I noe of her. Perhaps a boss like that is better than those who smiles at u but is actually contemplating a million ways to rid you off this world or something.

And something's worse. CLASS GATHERING.

Damn stressed. Feel like not going. I hate it when people always expect certain things out of u. Miracles like becoming prettier or losing 10 kilos. That will never happen and I hate it when they ask "what happened" otherwise.

I know lah. Most importantly is catch up with ppl. But I can bet a million dollars the above situation will happen! - part of the "catching up".

I HAVE DEGENERATED DUE TO A MILLION REASONS. I AM SAYIN' IT NOW SO YOU DUN HAVE TO ASK ME LATER.

SPARE ME.

Man.. that looks like some engravings you see on some one's tomb. Perhaps this will complete it.

R.I.P

Always in our hearts

LEE FANG HUI

1985-2005

Damn shitty. I know I am being childish and silly but I cant think otherwise. Worrying bout such things is part of being a girl I guess. Why can't I be a guy?? I can go to army and lose some fatty tissue!

Argh.

I was stung by a bee

2005-05-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Yep I was stung for the first time in my life.

It happened after dinner. My family dined out in the Sembawang area.

I rested my arm on the side arm rest by the door. And 30 seconds after my dad started the car I felt this sharp pinch on my inner lower arm. Burning. Obviously it was acidic. (f.y.i. most insect bites are acidic. Thats why it hurts a whole damn lot.)

I screamed and was busy tryin to brush off the insect and touched something slimy. What was left on my arm was the sting and that slim were the bee's insides.

F***.. could I get any luckier.

One burning question was how the hell the bee got into the car.

Perhaps it was there all along, considering my dad's occupation: employee of the National Parks Board.

F***..

If you said u cant make it and asked me to go look for someone else, should I go look for someone else to call my best friend too??
That favour isn't too much to ask for I believe.. I dun always ask for favours.

Utterly disappointed...

So many princesses around

2005-04-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

Why does everyone like to be a Princess??

I mean there's gotta be more punch, edge and attitude to u ppl yah?

I don't get it. Even though I am the only girl in my family with two ass-y brothers, I have never thought of myself as a Princess.

More like I prefer to be a witch, sorceress or maybe even a fairy. At least my existence will be more than just a useless little thing needing protection and tender loving care from wat.. a prince?

Maybe I didn't enjoy my childhood of white horses and handsome princes very much.

Though I'm always very much in awe of the fairy godmothers with their magical wands despite their old age, or the dragons and the magic spells cast by formidable sorceresses.

Life is never like a fairytale. I can't understand why people make themselves believe in it.

Okay I know about dreams and aspirations blah. But don't deceive yourself too much yah.

Be real.

Making a list

2005-04-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

ho ho~

My first list.

Too many little things on my mind, can't make it for long paragraphs and my inspiration and motivation for writing long blogs have subsided a little.

Hehz.

So here it goes:

1. I ate two bars of Snickers today. One for breakfast, the other before dinner. Sinful...

2. Today was the second day of my work.

3. Two of my friends asked me for help in looking for a job.

4. ~~Two~~ Three of my friends have cats as pets! And what have I got?.. 15 hamsters for company. =(

5. I have two more papers to go before the official end of my exams! And I predict I may da bao two modules next sem.. sobz!

6. My dad gave away two of my hamsters to his colleague without asking me. Okay, now I have 13 for company.

7. Two more weeks before I fly off to Taiwan.

8. Okay no more twos.. hehez

9. I saw Jimmy on the bus to work today but didn't say Hi.

10. Used MSN illegally for the first time at work today. I mean first time this time holiday. Did I mention abt the other time?. Hehz. Better not.

11. My dad strongly objects to me wanting to get my own laptop. He insists I am buying just to game on it. He's right. What more can I say??

12. I hate ppl who are rich and are trying to tell the whole world or intentionally shows you that. (This one is i want to shoot someone.. dun want to shoot anyone else other than that person.. actually that person also not very rich also.. =p)

13. I want to put that idea about platonic relationship down. I can list a few ppl who will be on my platonic friends list forever. Ask me then I'll tell. Hehz.

14. Had yong tau fu for lunch.

15. ~~Qing cheng finally joined friendster.~~

16. Borrowed three books from the library.

17. I am a workaholic. I wish my colleague give me more things to do. If not the hours will pass real slow and I am really afraid I'm not busy enuff.

18. With great powers comes great responsibility. Is that why I'm always helping my friends?

Okay folks, thats all for now.. boring list eh? Hah.. watever...

Finally the end is here

2005-04-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

Phew.. finally my physics paper is over.

Was so stressed over it that 3 days before the exam I subconsciously decided to run away from it.

Watched two more episodes of Naruto, trying to touch up on my bloggie, watched tv non-stop. And until 36 hours (including sleeptime) before the paper, I really started panicking.

Went to Woodlands library after going to church on Sun morning. Needed some help from a greater power, desperately. (Other Sundays I still try my best to attend service k.. not I last minute hug the Buddha leg).

Was really trying to cram all those equations into my brain.. freaking out. During those moments, even the most harmless of all equations seemed pretty malicious. They didn't go in, as usual.

But then in the end, I worried for nothing. Coz most equations were provided in the Appendix of the exam paper! Foolish me.. simply forgot that the lecturer once said that equations for the later topics of the module will be provided!.. argh..

But I didn't "loo gee" a lot also. Coz even though I spent 5 hrs studying at the library, I went home and didn't study anymore. Only finished 5 topics out of ard 14? and I went to bed coz I was too tired and I sort of gave up hope on the paper already.

So luckily I didn't kill myself remembering those equations and formulas.

Well, even though I couldn't quite do the physics paper, I was really glad that my one whole month of misery has finally ended. Well, everything is finished.

Yupz..finished.

But heck, I quickly forgot about the whole screwed up exam and went to town for some much-needed retail-therapy.

Got a haircut. The hairdresser didn't cut much. But charged me a blooming $31.

Winnie said I looked the same before and after. At least JQ offered some words of comfort saying its much better than before.

As I was talking about me studying in Woodlands library, on my way back, I saw something which somewhat made me realize certain things.

There's this shop right outside Woodlands MRT station which sells miscellaneous stuff like phone cards and stationary and er.. female accessories. In short, a cha-pa-lang shop lah.

After saying goodbyes to Irene, I walked past this Bangladeshie man outside the shop, looking intently at the price list of phonecards for overseas calls.

Perhaps I was thinking too much, I actually thought I saw this sadness in his eyes. Like he was dying to call home and hear the voice of his loved ones on the other end.

Suddenly it hit me that foreign workers in Singapore are such poor souls. And all those racist remarks and jokes that we make about them have been so insensitive of us.

Wonder what loneliness they must have felt in a foreign land away from their families.

And the thought that my home was only 3 stations away from where I was made me feel I'm really blessed.

And how I took eating at the dining table with my family for granted.

And how I took my parents for granted. Asking them of more and more things despite so many things they have already given me.

I feel really ashamed that I took so many things for granted. And that I throw my money away like nobody's business going for expensive meals and getting labeled clothings, bags and shoes.

For once I really felt really ugly deep inside.

And I wanted to hug my mom and dad suddenly and tell them how much I love them no matter how much I rebelled against them.

And the thought that they may leave one day makes me so so afraid.

Oh and this morning as my dad was sending me to my examination venue, I realised I forgot to wear my watch. So I asked him for his and he instantaneously took them down and handed it to me.

At first I didn't feel a thing coz I tot it was just a small thing.

But I thought about it in the examination hall, as the invigilator was collecting the scripts. I actually teared a little. (But I pretended I was yawning really hard in case the guy beside me tot I was siao crying coz cannot do the paper).

His little move touched me. It said a million things to me then.

Anti-climax: .. but then he called me two times on my mobile later that day to check if his watch was still safely with me. I think he was damn scared I lose his $500 Seiko watch.
I guess if his was a Rolex ah.. he wouldn't have taken his precious watch off his
wrist at all. Hehez.